Two solicitors came to a sticky end and were slowly making their way up to Heavan. On their way up the great staircase that leads to the Pearly Gates one turned to the other and said, “Look, Piers, I don’t care how rare it is for a solicitor to make it up here, if there are any barristers in there, I’m not going in. Especially silks. I’m sick of them all..” “Agreed, Tarquin,” replied the other, “I’m with you all the way on that. I’d rather suffer an eternity in hell than talk to another Q.C.” And so it was that they reached the gate, and with much eyebrow raising by the heavenly host were judged worthy to enter.”One moment, St. Peter,” said Piers as the gates swung wide, “just one thing – We’re sick of Barristers – are there any inside? Because if there are, the deal’s off…” “Certainly not!” Cried St. Pete, “You’re quite safe – no barristers in here..” Thus reassured, the two pressed on. They were finding heaven very enjoyable until all of a sudden an ancient looking chap with a long beard, wearing a barristers gown and wig pushed past them, a bundle of papers under one arm and a battered copy of the Weekly reports under the other.. Enfuriated they stormed back to St. Peter. Oi – St. Peter! cried Piers, already drafting his pleadings in his head, “You said there were no barristers here..” “There aren’t,” stammered St. Peter “Well who’s the silk in with the long beard, then?” demanded the outraged lawyer.”Oh,” Said St. Peter, realisation dawning, “That’s not a barrister! That’s God. He just thinks he’s a barrister..”
Author: admin
Acheson’s Rule Of The Bureaucracy:
Acheson’s Rule Of The Bureaucracy: A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer. – Dean Acheson
How many APL hackers does it take to screw…
How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
None. There’s a primitive for that.
Bar Tender
A man walks into a bar and says, “Excuse me, I’d like a pint of beer.”
The bartender serves the drink and says, “That’ll be four dollars.”
The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
“Sorry, sir,” the bartender says, “but I can’t accept that.”
The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. “What’s going on here?” the man asks.
Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, “This is a Singles Bar.”
Hot sauce
Three guys were challenged by a girl who said, “Whoever can make me scream the most gets $100.”
The white guy goes in and comes back out in a half hour and says, “Damn! I just couldn’t make her scream.”
The black guy goes in for an hour but comes out saying, “Man, it’s just not possible!”
Finally the Chinese guy goes in with a smile on his face.
He returns after 10 minutes and forty screams.
Both the other guys ask, “How in hell did you do that?”
“Me play old trick,” he says. “Me put hot sauce on my poker!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
Error Messages
Error Messages
”The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out…”
”WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue.”
”COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any key.”
”Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though.”
”Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!”
”Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…”
”Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)”
”General Failure’s Fault. Not Yours.”
”Hit any user to continue.”
”Scandisk is now checking your hard disk. You can start praying.”
”Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.”
”Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.”
”Ooops. My brain just hit a bad sector.”
”Cannot find REALITY.SYS…Universe Halted.”
God's Attention
A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man’s hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church. The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, “And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention…”
Sick Leave Excuses
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday!”There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.A union negotiator broke the silence in the room.”Wow,” he said.”Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!”
Hot Sauce
There was this king who was trying to find a man for his daughter. He sent out a paper stating that he was having a contest to see who could make her scream louder. Well, only 3 men showed up.
The first one went in and had sex with her, but it didn’t seem to affect her in the way expected.
The second guy went in there and the same results appeared.
The third guy went in there and next thing you know, she is screaming really loud. They walk out and the guys are wondering how he did it. They asked him and in reply he simply told them that he put hot sauce on his dick.
Yo mamma so big
yo mamma so big that she stepped on a scale and it said “hey dude one at a time please”
It’s
It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes,
right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
Frankenstein The Monster
Do you know why Frankenstein the monster never had any children?
Because his nuts are in his neck!