There was this blonde that was in a car crash
but she was unscathed, when the police man came he asked what happened she said well I was driving along the road when this tree popped up so I swirved to dodge it then I saw another tree so I dodged it and I kept dodging these trees that were popping up, suddenely the police man interupted her and said mam I hate to interupt but those were not trees that was your pine scented air freshener dangling back and forth
Author: admin
Woman and Condom
Q. What have a woman and a condom got in common.
A. They both spend too much time in your wallet and not enough time on your dick!
3 Great Sons
Mrs. Cohen, Mrs. Levy, and Mrs. Lefkovitz are discussing their sons.
Mrs Cohen says, “Now my Sheldon, what a man! A world famous lawyer, he is, with big shot clients, a mansion in Beverly Hills, a summer home in Hawaii. He has a beautiful wife and everything a man could want in the world.”
Mrs. Levy says, “That’s nice. Let me tell you about my son Jonathan. He is a doctor, a world-famous researcher. He travels across the world on conferences, talks, lectures. He was nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine. What a man!”
Mrs. Lefkowitz says, “My Hershel, he’s an engineer. Now, he makes maybe $35,000 a year, and he’s not famous but his Penis is so long, you can line up ten pigeons in a row on it.”
The ladies sip their tea for a while. Then, Mrs. Cohen says, “Actually, I got a confession to makes. Sheldon’s an up-and-coming lawyer in Los Angeles, but he doesn’t have a mansion or a summer home. He’s a bright young man with a good future.”
Mrs. Levy says: “Well, I got a confession too. Jonathan is a good doctor and he got his share of scholarships, but a Nobel prize winner, he isn’t.” They all look expectantly at Mrs. Lefkowitz.
“Well, all right, I’ll tell the truth too. The last bird gotta stand on one leg.”
Q: How many Republican
Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?A: (Bush) None. (Bush in an earnest lap dog voice) I resent that question. I’ve answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are tired of light bulb jokes.
Seeing Eye Dogs
There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a
Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy
with a Chihuahua, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get
something to eat.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go
in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The guy with the Doberman
Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman
Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk
in. A guy at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.” The
guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This
is my seeing-eye dog.” The guy at the door says, “A Doberman
Pinscher?” He says, “Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very
good.” The guy at the door says, “Come on in.”
The guy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck,” so he puts
on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the
door says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” The guy with the
Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye
dog.” The guy at the door says, “A Chihuahua?” The guy with the
Chihuahua says, “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”
We both have an ugly Chelsea! .”
What do massachusetts and the Clinton both have in common?
We both have an ugly Chelsea! .”
Archeologist
How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Makes me wonder about flying�
Pilot to tower… pilot to tower… I am 300 miles from land… 600 feet over water… and running out of fuel… please instruct!Tower to pilot… tower to pilot… repeat after me: “Our Father, which art in heaven…”
Blonde quickies 16
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here.
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”. After thinking for a minute, she said to herself “oh well !” and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
“CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES”. By the time she drove eight miles, she
had cleaned 43 restrooms.
How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, “Awww, look at the dead birdie”.
The blonde stops,looks up, and says, “Where?”
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she’d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad ’cause all the people were leaving.
Would You Work For This Company?
Do you fancy working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics?:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Given up yet?
It’s the 535 members of the United States Congress, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
Investigating a terrible accident
There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident
except a monkey, which was on board, and there were no witnesses. The police try
to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate
the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing
that, they start asking the questions.
The police chief asks, “What were the people doing on the bus?”
The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around;
meaning the people were dancing and having fun.
The chief asks, “Yeah, but what else were they doing?�
The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.
The chief says, “Oh! They were drinking, huh?” The chief continues, “Okay,
were they doing anything else?”
The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were
talking.
The chief loses his patience, “If they were having such a great
time, which was driving the stupid bus then?”
The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.
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