Author: admin

A guy walks in to a New York bar and latches on to a gorgeous looking girl who turns out to be a hooker.

After they have chatted for a while he asks her how much she charges.

“Well, honey, you’re a good looking guy, so I’ll give you a hand job for $500”

The guy is taken back by this offer, “How come it’s so expensive?”

“Honey” she says, “See that Rolls Royce parked outside, that’s mine, bought from the proceeds of hand jobs, I’m the best there is”.

The next day the guy is back in the bar to see her.

“God, he says you were good, I’ve been thinking about you all night and got to know, how much for a blow job?”

“As you’re a good customer I’ll do you for $2000 as a special offer”

“$2000, how good are you?”

“Look out of the window at that tower block, I bought that on the proceeds of giving the best blow jobs in New York”

The guy had to have her and boy was it good!!

A few days later he is back after getting a big bonus from work.

“How much to have full sex with you?, I just have too have you, name your price!”

“Honey, look out that window, you see that Island out there?” (She is pointing at Staten Island)

“Don’t tell me” says the guy, “You bought that on the proceeds of being the best shag in New York”.

“No, but if I’d been born a woman I would have!!”

Submitted by Scillyme
Edited by Calamjo

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a loud slap.When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.The Englishman was thinking, ‘The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’Claudia Schiffer was thinking, ‘The Englishman must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.’And the Irishman was thinking, ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I’ll make another kissing noise and slap that English bastard again!’

Exist�a un tipo muy malo al cual apodaban “el Choro”, ya que este tipo era tan malo y tan choro a la vez que mataba al que quer�a, pero antes de eso le bailaba una extra�a danza.

Un d�a el Choro paseaba con su novia y un hombre le grita un piropo a su mujer. El Choro indignado le hace la danza y lo mata, con tanta mala suerte que lo pilla un par de polic�as y se va preso varios a�os.

Cuando sali� de la c�rcel se entera de que su novia se casaba ese mismo d�a con otro tipo, “esta perra me las paga” dijo para s� mismo. Y fue a la iglesia.

Durante la ceremonia la novia se percata de que El Choro est� en la puerta de la iglesia haciendo su danza. Muy asustada le dice a su nuevo novio:

“Mi amor, me est� bailando El Choro.”

Y �l le responde:

“Y a m� ya me zapatea la verga…”

There was once a lumberjack. He went to the woods each day with
his ax and choped down 15 trees. One day on his way to work he
passed a hardware store. In the window there was a wonderful
chain saw and next to it was a sign that said:

THIS CHAIN SAW WILL CUT DOWN 50 TREES A DAY!!!
OWN IT FOR ONLY $40!!

The lumberjack bought it and continued to work. Each day he only
cut down 15 trees a day with his chain saw, so he brought it to
the hardware store and told the clerk that he thought it was
broken.

“Well, sir, let’s see…” The clerk turned it on and a roaring
noise came. “It seems to be working.” But the lumberjack was
puzzled and he asked, “What’s that noise?!?”