what is a stripers favorite race? the ididarod!!!!!
Author: admin
Expensive Fishing Tr
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?”The other guy says, “Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”
Jeffrey J. Pyrcioch, 19, and
Jeffrey J. Pyrcioch, 19, and an alleged accomplice were arrested in West
Lafayette, Ind., in May on theft and fraud charges. Pyrcioch allegedly
cashed checks that he had written with disappearing ink, apparently
believing the checks would be blank by the time they were presented to the
bank for collection. However, traces of ink remained, and police said
Pyrcioch would have a better chance of getting away with it if he had not
used checks pre-printed with his name and account number on them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such
thing is please not to read notis.
How could you kill my father?
There once was two men in a bar, the first man said to the second man: Hey! I noticed there was a bumper sticker on your car!
The second man looks suspicious and says: Yeah! What of it?
The first man says: Well, I collect bumper stickers and I didn’t really get to read yours.
The second man: Okay! You’re point is?
The first man: Can you tell me what it says?
The second man, looking even more suspicious than before clunches his fists tight, nocks down his beer bottle, stands up with his fist to the first man’s face and says: Look! I know what you did last summer, how could you kill my father?
The first man then runs out of the bar, scared as freak, and when he is driving away, he catches a glimpse of the man’s bumper sticker and it said: Look! I know what you did last summer, how could you kill my father?
He drives away in his car and pulls out a dead man’s body with a knife in it and his name tag says, father of The Second Man!
Bobbing for French fries.
How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for French fries.
Christmas Parrot
A man wants to buy a pet for his girlfriend for Christmas, so he goes to a pet shop…
“Hello, I was thinking of buying a pet for my girlfriend.”
“You came to the right place. How about a parrot?”
“I don’t know, I was thinking of a more romantic animal.”
“It is not just a parrot. It is a singing parrot. He sings three different Christmas songs. LEt me show you.”
The pet shop worker raises the parrot’s right foot and lights a match under it. The parrot sings, “We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish..” The match is then removed. He then lights a match under the left foot. “Dashing through the snow in a one horse opeen sleigh…” The match is then removed.
The man enthusiastically says, “That’s really neat. Let me hear the third song.”
The pet shop worker then puts a lit match between the parrot’s legs. “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..”
A traveling salesman
A traveling salesman was driving down a farm road when his car suddenly
stopped and wouldn’t start again. A farmer on a tractor was passing by and
stopped to help the salesman fix his car. By the time they were finished, it was
almost sundown, so the farmer told the salesman he could spend the night at his
home if he didn’t mind sharing the bed with his twin daughters. The salesman
thought the twins were kids, so he said it was okay. They farmer took the
salesman to his home and went into the house.
After a few minutes of talking and cleaning up, the men were called to the
dinner table by the farmer’s wife. As they sat down, the salesman saw the two
most beautiful young ladies he had ever seen. The farmer introduced them as his
twin daughters. During the entire meal all the salesman thought about was he was
sleeping in the same bed as the girls and he was going to have a good time that
night. They all finished their supper and the men went and talked while the
women finished cleaning up. The salesman couldn’t keep his mind off what was to
be a good time. Finally it was time to go to bed and the salesman anxiously got
prepared. The twins got into the bed, one on each side of the salesman. Just as
the lights were going to be turned off, the farmer came into the bedroom and
placed one egg on both sides of the salesman. The farmer said, “This is to make
sure you don’t do anything with my daughters tonight!! If I come in tomorrow
morning and find one or both eggs broken, I’ll know you did something and I’ll
shoot you!! You understand? Well, the salesman looked at the eggs, the farmer,
and the shotgun in the farmer’s hand and quietly replied that he understood.
With that, the farmer told them goodnight and turned off the light.
During the night, the salesman turned over and accidentally broke one of the
eggs. “What the hell,” he thought, “I’m dead anyway,” and screwed the first
twin. After several minutes of bliss, he rolled off of her and broke the other
egg. “Might as well go out smiling,” he thought and had his way with the second
twin. When he was finished, he noticed that it was almost sunup and the farmer
was starting to stir. Thinking quickly, he looked into his sales bag and got out
a tube of superglue and glued the eggs back together. The glue dried quickly and
the salesman jumped back into the bed and had just put both eggs back when the
farmer entered.
“I see the eggs are alright, so I guess I won’t shoot you. Want some
breakfast?”
“What are you making?” the salesman asked.
Holding up the eggs, he said, “Eggs.”
“No thanks, I’ll eat later, I got to get going!!!” the salesman quickly said
and grabbed his clothes and left.
The farmer went to the stove and broke the first egg over the skillet, but
nothing came out. He then broke the second egg and again, nothing came out.
Extremely pissed off, the farmer walked out to the hen house and shouted,
“Alright…which one of you roosters is wearing a rubber???”
Hiring help?
A woman walked up to the manager of a department store. “Are you hiring any help?” she asked.
“No,” he said. “We already have all the staff we need.”
“Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?” she asked.
A quote on marriage
May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.
Your Momma is so ugly
Your Momma is so ugly that any position is doggy style.
Preheat
To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time
before cooking a dish.
Allows for the fingers to be
burned when placing the food into the oven, as well as when taking
the food
out.