Moses, Jesus, and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap . Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies off over the green, where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.Jesus then turns to the old man and says “Dad, if you don’t stop messing around, we won’t bring you next time.”
Author: admin
Swallowed a condom
The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.”Please, you have to come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a condom.”The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.”You don’t have to come over after all,” the woman said with a sigh of relief. “My husband just found another one.”
Whatever misfortune may be your
Whatever misfortune may be your lot,
it could only be worse in Milwaukee.
-National Lampoon’s Deteriorota
“Confucious Say”
Confucious Say – Baby conceived in back seat of car with automatic transmission, grow up to be shiftless bastard.
American Holiday
Osama bin Laden, severly injured in an American attack, is in a
US Army medical facility, when he asks the attending doctor,
“Doc, when will I die?”
“Unsure of the exact time of death,” his Western doctor says.
“But you will die on an American holiday.”
“How do you know it will be on an American holiday?” asks the
terrorist.
“Oh,” said the doctor, “Any day that you die will be an American
holiday.”
Una pareja camina por la
Una pareja camina por la orilla del mar cuando la mujer pregunta:
“�Mi amor, si yo me tiro t� te tiras a rescatarme?”
“Si te digo que s�, �te tiras?”
Kid’s Letters to God
Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
-Jane
Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does ‘begat’ mean? Nobody will tell me.-Love, Alison
Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
-Lucy
Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
-Anita
Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma
Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane
Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan
Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil
Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
-Jane
Dear GOD,
Did you really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother.
-Darla
Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce
Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend (But I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
-Tom L.
Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. -Bruce
Dear GOD,
If we come back as something – please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
-Denise
Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything you want, except my money or my chess set.
-Raphael
Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
-Danny
Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry
Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. -Sam
Dear GOD,
You don’t have to worry about me. I always look both ways.
-Dean
Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
-Ruth M.
Dear GOD,
I think about You sometimes even when I’m not praying.
-Elliott
Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
-Nan
Dear GOD,
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.
-Rob
Dear GOD,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn’t sound right. They’re just kidding, aren’t they?
-Marsha
Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I’ll show You my new shoes.
-Mickey D.
Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris
Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
Sincerely, Donna
Dear GOD:
The bad people laughed at Noah – “You made an ark on dry land you fool.” But he was smart, he stuck with You. That’s what I would do. -Eddie
Dear GOD,
I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already.
-Charles
Dear GOD,
I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool!
-Eugene
What do you do when a bondie throws a gernade at you?
What do you do when a blondie throws a gernade at you?
grabe it, pull out the pin and throw it back.
Leader of the HMO
Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor ‘what did you do on Earth?’The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, ‘you may go in.’St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her ‘you may go in.’St. Peter asked the third man, ‘what did you do?’ The man hung his head and replied, ‘I ran a large HMO.’ To which St. Peter replied, ‘you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.’
50’s Date
It is the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Carrie.He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, Carries father answers and invites him in.’Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?’ her dad said.’That’s cool’, says Bobby.Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.Carrie’s father responds ‘why don’t you two go somewhere and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.’Bobby, is not quite sure he heard correctly, so he asks Carries dad to repeat what was just said.’Yeah’, her dad says, ‘Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!’Well, this certainly made Bobby’s emotions light up. Now he’s REALLY looking forward to the evening.A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:’DAMMIT DADDY!! IT’S CALLED: ‘THE TWIST!!”
Ugly guy
A guy is sitting all alone at a bar, the bartender looks at him and laughs.
The man shrugs it off… The bartender looks at him and laughs again, the
bartender finally went over to the man and said “I’m sorry but you have to be
the ugliest man that I have ever seen.” the man replied by saying I don�t think
so I can get any lady that I want. The bartender looks around and sees a hot
blond sitting at the table with her huge boyfriend, and tells the ugly man that
he bet $50 that he couldn�t get the woman to even talk to him. the ugly man
agrees and says “ill bet another $50 that I can walk straight out the door with
her. the bartender accepted. the ugly man walked over the girl jumped into his
arms and they walked out the door. The bartender went over to the boyfriend and
said” damn that sucks but what happened?” the man replied with “I don�t know he
just stood there licking his eyebrows.”
Handcuffed
What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis