Author: admin

The wedgie

Posted on by admin

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?”

“But Dad, it wasn’t my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That’s when she hit me!”

“Johnny,” the father said, “You don’t do those kind of things to women.”

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.

Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, I thought we had a talk!”

“But Dad,” Johnny said, “It wasn’t my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn’t like this, so I pushed it back in!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

It’s your first time. As

Posted on by admin

It’s your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him
off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as
he
approaches you. He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head
bravely.
He has more experience, but it is the first time his finger has found
the
right place. He probes deeply and you shiver: your body tenses, but
he’s
gentle like he promised he’d be! He looks deeply into your eyes and
tells you to trust him —- he’s done this many times before. His cool
smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for any easy
entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he goes very
slowly, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses
closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges through-
out your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.
He looks concerned and asks you if it’s too painful…. Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He
begins moving in and out with skill but you are now to numb to feel him
within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting
within you and he pulls it out of you. You lay panting, glad to have it
over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle,
that
and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a
tooth
pulled!

Will power

Posted on by admin

As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for Lent. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort. The first few weeks weren’t too difficult. Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last couple of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife’s bedroom door.”KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!”Husband: “Guess who?”Wife: “I know who it is!”Husband: “Guess what I want?”Wife: “I know what you want!”Husband: “Guess what I’m knockin’ with?”

You Need To Have a Bad Day

Posted on by admin

You Need To Have a Bad Day to Get Into Heaven
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people
who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the
pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.”
The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I
came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but
couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th
floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went
inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some
bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed
him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.”
St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a
crime of passion, he let the man in.
He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was
awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th
floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to
grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started
pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then
the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”
St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to
enjoy this job.
“Tell me about the day you died?� he said to the third man in line.
“OK, picture this; I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator….”

Iba un peque�o auto convertible

Posted on by admin

Iba un peque�o auto convertible a 180 km por hora por una calle muy transitada, cuando un polic�a lo ve, comienza a perseguirlo y le ordena que se detenga. El auto no se detiene y el policia sigue persigui�ndolo por un buen rato, exigi�ndole que se detenga, hasta que por fin el carrito se detiene y el policia intrroga al conductor:

“Su licencia.”

“No tengo.”

“Ah, no tiene licencia…”

“�Y la matricula de este auto?”

“No no, no s�, no tiene…”

“Ah, no tiene matricula…”

Y el polic�a seguia anotando.

“�Y por qu� no fren� cuando se lo solicit�?”

“Porque no tengo frenos.”

“Ah, no tiene frenos…”

Y el polic�a segu�a anotando.

“�Y por qu� no se hizo a un lado?”

“Porque no tengo volante.”

“Ah, no tiene volante… Me puedes explicar como andas conduciendo a alta velocidad en una calle transitada, sin licencia, sin matr�cula, sin frenos, sin volante. �Eres un irresponsable!”

“Pero oficial, le juro que yo no he hecho nada. Yo estaba en el parque de diversiones. Me sub� a la monta�a rusa, de pronto sal� disparado y cuando me di cuenta estaba en esta calle.”