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Religious Bras

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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy’s, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. “I’d like to buy a bra for my wife”

“What type of bra?” asked the clerk.

“Type?” inquires the man “There is more than one type?”

“Look Around,” said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size ,color and material.

“Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,” replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked what were the types.

The saleslady replied “The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?”

Still confused the man asked “What is the difference between them?”

The lady responded “It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.

Taxman wins $1000

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The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.

Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice “I’d like to try the bet”

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass!!

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man “what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?”

The scrawny little man replied “I work for the IRS.”

�rase una vez un alumno

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�rase una vez un alumno chino que sacaba buenas notas, pero que en una ocasi�n hizo el vago y sac� un cero en un examen. El chino en cuesti�n ten�a 16 a�os. Su profesora le ten�a un especial cari�o y le dijo que fuera esa noche a su casa, a ver qu� pod�a hacer por �l.

El chino fue a casa de la joven profesora. Ella dijo:

“Pasa dentro.”
“Chinito no quelel, chinito no quelel.”
“Venga, chginito, que te doy un punto.”

Y el chino pas�. Dentro la profesora le dijo:

“Chinito, pasa a mi cuarto.”
“Chinito no quelel, chinito no quelel.”
“Venga que te doy dos puntos.”

Y el chino pas�.

“Chinito, desn�date.”
“Chinito no quelel, chinito no quelel.”
“Mira que te doy un tres, eh.”

Y el chino se desnud�.

“Chinito, desn�dame.”
“Chinito no quelel, chinito no quelel.”
“Mira que te doy un cuatro…”

Y el chinito obedeci�.

“Chinito, b�same, t�came.”
“Chinito no quelel, chinito no quelel.”
“Chino, un seis…”

Y el chinito bes� y toc� a la maestra, que se empez� a calentar.

“Chino, deja que te la chupe.”
“Chinito no quelel, chinito no quelel.”
“�Ni por un 8?”

Y el chino acept�. Despu�s la maestra le pidi�:

“Chinito, f�llame.”
“Chinito no quelel, chinito no quelel.”
“Venga, chinito, por un 9…”

Y el chinito obedeci�, y result� ser buen�simo en la cama. La profesora gritaba como una loca, jadeaba, sudaba. Se lo pasaban en grande los dos.

La cama cruj�a. La profesoara lo pasaba en grande pero lleg� un momento en que no aguant� m�s…

“Ah… chi… chinito… s�… �Ah…! Chinito… Por Dios, ah… para… para, por… por favor.”

“Chinito no quelel, chinito no quelel.”

“Venga, chinito, paras y te doy un 10.”

“�Chinito no quelel, chinito no quelel!”

Dad hasn’t walked

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An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death’s door due to an infected
gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his
patients are up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent
blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall
as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly
each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and
thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon
was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a
simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. “But doctor, you
don’t understand,” they said, “Dad hasn’t walked in over a year!”

The Magic Mirror…..

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There is a blonde a brunette and a redhead and a magic mirror. If you told something true to the magic mirror, you would be rewarded. If you told a lie you would vanish forever.

The brunette walks up to the mirror and says, “I am good at teaching.” And she was rewarded.

The redhead walks up to the mirror and says,”I am good at math.” And she was rewarded.

The blonde walked up to the mirror and said,”Hmmmmm let me think….”

Poof! She vanished!

Presidential Swapping

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One day the Clintons and the Gores are out at dinner and having a really great time, lots of drinks and friendly flirting. Bill Clinton looks out over the table and says, “You know, we’re such good friends, why don’t we swap for one night and make the sex more exciting ?”

They all think it’s a great idea, and they head off to their bedrooms. Suddenly Bill Clinton hears Hillary from the next room screaming uncontrollably with pleasure. He starts to get a little jealous, so he asks, “I wonder what Hillary could be getting that makes her that happy ?”

Then Al Gore, lying next to him says, “I don’t know, but Tipper must be really hot tonight!”