Yours Fun Portal !
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by rblondie
A blind man was describing his favorite sport – parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go.”But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.”Well, I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground”, he answered.”But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked.He quickly answered, “Oh that? The dog’s leash goes slack!”
Q: Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse?
A: Catch.
Q. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A. They don’t have time.
As I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my sould to keep.
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my toys to break,
So all the other kids can’t play with them.
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, “Dad our rooster’s dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why is his legs sticking in the air?”
His father thinking quickly said, “Son, thats so god can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.”
“Gee Dad thats great”, said little Johnny.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!”
“What do you mean?” said Dad.
“Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming, and if it hadn’t of been for those two sailors holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”
If jack was stuck on a horse would u help jack off the horse??
A blonde waits outside a school when all the kids come out she grabs a child around the corner and writes a note saying ‘Ive kidnapped your kid i will only give him back if you give me 3million dollars Ransom leave it under the tree in the park tomorrow signed A Blonde.She sticks the note on the child and sends him home.The next morning The kid was standing under the tree with 3million dollars and a note the note said. There is the money now please dont hurt my child How could you do this to a fellow blonde
Your Mama’s so fat that when she went to school she sat next to the whole
class!
Blonde secretary’s memo to her boss:
TO: My Boss
FROM: Blondie
SUBJECT: Changing Calendars For Y2K
I hope that I haven’t misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for you. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:
Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk
I also changed all the days of each week to:
Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak
We are now Y to K compliant.
Your loyal secretary!
Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show. Lady
luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial
lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but,
unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask
her the big question.
Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous as her
husband drove them home. “I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I
knew what the answers are! You know I’m not going to sleep at
all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.
“Relax honey,” her husband, Roger, reassured her, “It will all
be OK.”
Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys
and started heading out the door. “Where are you going?” Jane
asked.
“I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.”
After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a
very wide and wicked grin. “Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s
question and answer!”
“What is it?” she cried excitedly.
“OK. The question is ‘What are the three main parts of the male
anatomy?’ And the answer is ‘The head, the heart, and the
penis.'” The couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at
ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.
At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was
asking her the quiz show question. “The head, the heart, and the
penis,” Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And
Roger asked her again in the
morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again,
Jane replied correctly.
So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show.
Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel
butterflies. The cameras began running and the host, after
reminding the audience of the previous days’ events, faced Jane
and asked the big question.
“Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy?
You have 10 seconds.”
“Hmm, uhm, the head?” she said nervously.
“Very good. Six seconds.”
“Eh, uh, the heart?”
“Very good! Four seconds.”
“I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last
night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…”
“That’s close enough!” said the game show host,
“CONGRATULATIONS!!”
One day a little girl was watching cartoons when a porno came through. The little girl asked her mom “What are they doing?” The girls mom said “baking a cake.” Then the next day they were walking in the park and there were these people making out and the girl said “look mommy they are baking a cake!” The next day the girl says “mommy you and daddy were baking a cake last night.” Her mom replied “how did you know?” The girl said “because I licked the icing off the sofa!”–Editor’s note: Hey, I just post them…