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One day the Pickle was talking to the tomato. He said that
every time he got big and juicy he was sliced seasoned and put
in a jar. The tomato said he had it worse, every time he got
big and juicy he got sliced, diced and put into salad.
Meanwhile the Penis overheard the tomato and the pickle talking
so he walked over. He said he had it the worst. Every time he
got big and juicy he would get put in a big stinky room and had
to do pushups until he threw up.
En la escuela de Pepito, entra la maestra a su sal�n y les dice:
“Ni�os, el d�a de hoy toca la clase de sexolog�a, y el tema es la masturbacion.”
Ni tarde ni perezoso Pepito la interrumpe y le dice:
“Maestra, y los que ya cogemos �nos podemos ir?”
Johnnie Cochrane, Esq., here are the top ten proposed closing arguments in the
matter of United States v. William J. Clinton:
10. If the dress ain’t a mess, he won’t need to confess.
9. The economy’s great, let the White Boy skate.
8. If the Bitch didn’t spit, you must acquit.
7. If she is not spread eagle, then it is not illegal.
6. Lewinsky’s a whore, and Bill’s better than Gore.
5. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some Asses.
4. He cheats on his wife, but it�s his personal life.
3. Bill can’t tell the truth till he sees Ken Starr’s proof.
2. Bill is not sleazy, Lewinsky’s just easy.
1. If the sex is just oral, it is not really immoral.
A construction worker walks into a bar. He’s a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, “All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!” A sudden silence descends.After a moment he asks “Anyone got a problem with that?” The silence lengthens.He then chugs back another beer and growls, “And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!” Once again, the bar is silent.He looks around belligerently and roars, “Anyone got a problem with that?” A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts to walk towards the man.”You got a problem, buddy?” “Oh no; I’m just on the wrong side of the bar.”
Un soldado fue enojado donde el capit�n y le pregunta:
“Con todo respeto, se�or capit�n, �es cierto que usted anda diciendo que nos besamos en el almac�n?”
“No… yo no he dicho nada, recluta.”
“�Entonces sepa que nos vieron, mi capit�n del alma!”
There was this lady (who was a butcher) whose husband always farted really loud at night! She hated it because they stunk so badly! So one night she told her husband that if he kept farting like that at night, then his guts would come out. He didn’t believe her but she told him, “Honey, I’m a butcher. I should know.”
But he still wouldn’t listen to her. So that night she went to her butcher shop and got a big chunk of raw pig guts. When she got home she stuck it in her husbands pants. And of course, he farted really loudly as usual. The next morning when they woke up her husband went to the bathroom. He was in there for a pretty long time so his wife said to him, “Honey, is everything okay. You’ve been in there for a while.”
He replied, “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
5 minutes later he finally came out of the bathroom. His wife asked him, “So did your guts come out like I said they would?”
He replied, “Yep, but being the smart person I am, I took two fingers and stuck them right back up there!”
There were three guys that went into a penis shop.
One guy asked for a new wooden penis, so she gave him one and said “Come back tomorrow and tell me if you’re satisfied.”
So the next guy comes in and asks for a metal penis, so she gives him one and tells him the same thing.
The third guy comes in and asks for a fifty foot penis and she gives him one and says the same thing.
So the next day the first guy comes in and says he didn’t like it. He was humping a girl and she got splinters in her.
So she says “You can have your old dick back then”.
The next guy comes in and says he was humping a girl and she kept getting cold so he gave him his penis back.
Then he third guy came in and said “I love it”
So then he says, “See that girl over there?” he un- zips his pants then goes…………..”I got her”.
Editted by Curtis
En la Edad Media un caballero en armadura lleg� a ver a su Rey tras meses de luchar en lugares lejanos.
“Saludos, mi Se�or. He regresado con tu ej�rcito, tras grandes �xitos en el combate.”
“�De veras? �Qu� grandes cosas has hecho en mi nombre?”
“Bueno, mi Se�or, hemos conquistado a tus enemigos del Este. Hemos acabado con sus ej�rcitos. Destruimos sus castillos, quemamos sus campos, tomamos a sus mujeres…”
“Un momento, un momento, yo no tengo enemigos en el Este.”
“�No? �Bueno, ahora los tienes!”
Specialist in women and other diseases.
“You’re in remarkable shape for a man your age,” said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after the examination.”I know it,” said the old gentleman. “I’ve really got only one complaint – my sex drive is too high. Got anything you can do for that, Doc?”The doctor’s mouth dropped open. “Your what?!” he gasped.”My sex drive,” said the old man. “It’s too high, and I’d like to have you lower it if you can.””Lower it?!” exclaimed the doctor, still unable to believe what the ninety-year old gentleman was saying. “Just what do you consider ‘high’?””These days it seems like it’s all in my head, Doc,” said the old man, “and I’d like to have you lower it a couple of feet if you can.”
A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
“What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named “LOVE.” It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, “I’m looking for LOVE.” The policeman arrested her on the spot.