What is an Austrailian kiss?
A french kiss down under.
Author: admin
You might be a college student if . . .
33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room
True Stories from the Butterball Turkey Hotline
Where people call to get advice how to cook a Turkey from the experts
* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, “I don’t know, it’s still running around outside.”
* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn’t Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu
* Then there’s the time a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
mother of all old jokes
A new prisoner walking into prison for the first time was heading towards his cell, when someone called out ”15”. and quite a few men started laughing. The new prisoner thought to himself they aren’t too smart I am older than 15, walking out on further someone called out ”24” and place just went wild with all the guys laughing so hard.So the prisoner walks on thinking these guys really don’t know how old I am….when someone yelled out ”35” and the place just went ballistic. Finally the prisoner made it too his cell and asked his new roomie what the calling of numbers meant.”Well” said the roomie ”we have all been here so long, and have heard the same jokes so many times that we have just numbered the jokes.””Hmm mind if I give it a try?” said the newbie.Newbie steps up to the bars and yells ”27” and it is quiet. newbie looks around and yells ”31” and again quiet and finally he yells ”46” and again quiet. newbie steps back and turns to his roomie and says ”I don’t understand, no one laughed at all.””Well kid” said the roomie, ”Some people can tell a joke and some can’t.”
On The Job Training
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, “What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot”.
The second man married a telephone operator.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,� Wow, he’s a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button…A-bomb.�
The third man married a school teacher.
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, “Poor guy, she’s pretty
but teachers are just too frigid”.
The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher’s husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.
At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse’s husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse’s husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man’s
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
Dave asked, “What happened sir? You married a nurse.
The man sourly replies, “Son, don’t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
was her nagging voice saying, �You�re not sanitary, and you�re not sanitary.”
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
The telephone operator’s husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
as possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
in shock. The man’s hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
Dave asked,” What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices.”
The man sourly replies “Son, don’t ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, “You’re three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up.”
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher�s husband would be
calling any minute.
Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher’s husband called for breakfast.
Dave can’t believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple�s room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.
Joe fearing the worst asked �What happened to you? Did you have a
fight?”
The man smiled and happily replied, “No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying “We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right.”
Why Is My Name?
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my name Petal?” the mother replied “Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head.”
The next child walked up and asked, “Mummy why is my name Rose?” She replied, “Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head.”
The last child walked up to her and said “BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.” The mother replied, “Be quiet, Fridge!”
Est�n varios ancianos en una
Est�n varios ancianos en una celebraci�n. Un tipo se para y empieza a anunciar:
“Cuando me muera quiero donar mis ojos”.
Otro se para y dice:
“Cuando me muera quiero donar mi h�gado”.
Todo el mundo empieza a decir lo que van a donar cuando mueran, pero falta un septuagenario. Cuando llega su turno declara:
“Cuando yo me muera voy a donar mi pene.
Y todos los presentes exclaman:
“�Avemar�a, nadie nunca dijo eso! �Viva el se�or que va a donar su pene!”
Con el fin de felicitarlo, la concurrencia empieza a gritar:
“�Que se pare, que se pare!”
El viejito, con una sonrisa, asegura:
“Si se para yo no lo dono”.
Un recomendado de Valladolid se
Un recomendado de Valladolid se incorpora a una factor�a sevillana.
El jefe de personal que le recibe, no est� de muy buen humor, -pues pretend�a enchufar a su sobrino en ese puesto-, pero acata la decisi�n del gerente; y tras un frio saludo, le dice:
“A v�, vamoz a reshen� er ezpediente. �Zu nombre…?”
“Vicente” responde, un poco intimidado por el tono rudo del andal�.
“�Ed�…?”
“Veintiuno.”
“�De onde � uzt�…?, pregunta el entrevistador.
Y el nuevo fichaje hincha pecho y exclama orgulloso:
“�Pucelano!”
El jefe de personal le mira de reojo y replica:
“Le he preguntao de onde � uzte… no le ped�o que me ezplique como conzigui� er trabaho.”
The blonde said she understood how the scientists…
The blonde said she understood how the scientists figured out how far
away the stars are, their sizes and temperatures.
What she couldn’t understand is how they find out what the names of the
stars are.
Etiquette Lessons
Two Southern belles are sitting on the porch of this lovely
plantation. The first woman turns to the second and says, “For
my wedding day, my husband bought me this lovely plantation.”
And the second woman say, “How nice.”
Then the first woman asks, “Well, what did your husband get you
for your wedding day?”
And second replies, “Etiquette lessons, so I can learn how to
say, ‘How nice’ instead of ‘Fuck you.'”
Sleeping around
one day a man was walking to his local post office and was in the queue so he started talking to this lady infront of him and they started talking about children so the woman asked the bloke how many kids he had the bloke replied 3 so he asked the same question back to her she said 15 he went wow wats all there names she said ashely he asked her how she kept track of them all she said ah i call them by there last names
Dead Seagull
A woman went to the beach with her children.
Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand.
“Mommy, what happened to him?” the little boy asked.
“He died and went to heaven,” she replied.
The child thought for a moment and said, “And God threw him back down?”