Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘nice doggy’ until you can find a rock.
Author: admin
Yo mama
Yo mama is like a brick – She has 3 holes, she’s flat on both sides & only gets laid by Mexicans…
Endangered Species
One beautiful autumn day, a Park Ranger discovered a man sitting in the woods chewing away on a dead Bald Eagle.’Hey mister, the Bald Eagle is a protected species, and killing one is punishable offence’, said the Park Ranger.The man was swiftly arrested, and ushered before the judge.In court, he pleaded innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn’t eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation.’I was so hungry’ complained the defensive camper, ‘the Bald Eagle was the only food I could find!’To everyone’s amazement, the judge ruled in his favor.In the judge’s closing statement he asked the man, ‘I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it. But I’d like to know: What did it taste like?’The man answered, ‘Well, it tasted like a cross between a Whooping Crane and a Spotted Owl.’
Yo mama is so old
Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Don’t see me
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, since it was pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
To which he replied. “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Q: How many members
Q: How many members of the Pakistan cricket team does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None. “The players should only have to play 80 overs in a day. To expect them to do any more would place an unnecessary strain upon them.”
Yo mama’s So Fat
Yo’ mama so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself!
You Have The Brakes
A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, making love. He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, “What the hell’s the matter with you two? Didn’t you hear me blowing the horn? You could’ve been killed!”The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, “Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes.”
THE HEIST
A Tennessee graduate and a Bama graduate decided to rob a bank together. The
Bama man plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the UT guy extensively.
The robbery begins. The Bama man drives up in front of the bank, stops the car
and says to the Vol, “I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan.
You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with
the cash. Do you understand the plan?”
“Perfectly,” said the Vol.
The Vol goes in the bank while the Bama man waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . . . Two minutes pass . . .Seven minutes pass and the Bama
guy is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes the Vol. He’s got a safe
wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time he gets the
safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security
guard coming out. The guard’s pants and underwear are down around his ankles
while he is firing his weapon.
As the guys are getting away, the Bama man says, “Man, I thought you
understood the plan!”
The Vol said, “I did . . . I did exactly what you said!”
“No, you idiot,” said the Bama man. “You got it all mixed up. I said tie up
the GUARD and blow the SAFE!”
Deduction for Birth Control Pills
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don’t work.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Lester!Lester who?Lester over
Knock KnockWho’s there?Lester!Lester who?Lester over a new leaf!
How to stop a black baby from jumping on the bed
how to stop a black baby from jumping on the bed? put velcro on the ceiling.