1. Your Mattress has turned into a giant sponge.2. It takes five minutes to unknot your bodies.3. An Earthquake of 3.4 on the Richter scale is recorded in your area.4. The cat is exhausted from watching you.5. A trampoline company has to come to adjust your bed springs.6. You have both gone down one clothing size.7. You cancel your chiropractic appointment. Threre is nothing to adjust.8. You have to breath into a brown paper bag.9. Boy, are you hungry.10. Youre absoulutely satisfied yet uncontrollably horny at the same time.
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Notre Dame fight song
(Sung to the Notre Dame fight song)
Stand up and cheer for girls who give head, they’ll bring back your limp
dick right from the dead, they’ve got knee pads on their slits, and plenty
of chapstick for their lips. Some like to cornhole, some like to screw,
but I like the ones who will pump out my gew, spit or swallow I don’t
care, as long as her head is there.
At the end of the month, most girls will agree, it’s time for a little
tonsole hockey, when your big balls slap her chin, you’ll know that you
can’t get much more in.
So stand up and cheer for the girls in the spa, the ones who suck cock,
they know who they are. Later on when we’re pumping gew, we’ll know who
they are too.
Redneck quickies 7
You might be a redneck if…
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the “day my ship came in.”
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade.
You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
JajaGeorge W
Whats the opposite of eloquent? George W. Bush
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.198. Take up cooking. Cook exotic foods from scratch without using any cookbooks or recipes.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Willoughby!Willoughby who?Willoughby a
Knock KnockWho’s there?Willoughby!Willoughby who?Willoughby a monkey’s uncle!
Wash Hair In Sink
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables!
Row Row Row
A blonde puts a canoe in the middle of a field and starts rowing. A car pulls up and a blonde gets out and says” you give blondes a bad name and if I could swim out there I would kick your ass”.
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, Californians don’t screw in a light bulb, they screw in hot tubs.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
A setback in Iraqi-A
Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning well.”I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi.”We’ll finish these talks in two weeks!”A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush’s chair and prepares himself for the Yank’s revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.”Forget this,” says Saddam.”I’m going back to Baghdad!”Dubya says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”
A particular feeling..
There was an old lady from Wheeling,
And she had a particular feeling…
She laid on her back,
Opened her crack,
And peed all over the ceiling!
Sad Gay Guy
A man was walking in the park and saw a guy sitting under a tree
crying. The guy walks up to him and asked why was he so sad. The
gay guy said, “My lover just died of AIDS and this is the tree
where we made love for the first time. I have the ashes and I
want to sprinkle them under the tree but I can’t seem to do it.”
The guy said, “Look I feel so bad for you that I will do it. I
will even say a little sermon.” The gay guy agreed.
The guy started his sermon, “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if
you would of stuck with pussy, you would still be with us…”