A Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. For an adventure, the
father took his son to see a skyscraper. They were amazed by everything they saw
— especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.
The boy asked, “What’s that there, Paw?”
The father responded, “Well, Son, I reckon I never did see nothing like this
in my entire life. I got no darned idea what it is!”
While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old
lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The
walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls
closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the
walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse
direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped
out.
The father turned to his son and said, “Go get your Maw�.
Author: admin
You’re a redneck … your mother keeps a
You’re a redneck if…. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
The Top 9 Signs You’ve Gotten a Bad Hotel Room
9. The guy at the front desk stares at your chest and asks if you could “sleep facing the clown painting.”
8. They don’t take American Express, but will consider stereos, VCR’s or jewelry.
7. At check-in, the clerk informs you that all of the “Non-Infested” rooms are taken.
6. “Room service” is nothing more than a can of Spam and a bottle of Ripple in a brown paper bag.
5. “Marv Albert wuz here” chewed into headboard.
4. Room service answers, “This better be good, Jerry Springer’s on.”
3. A second look at the sign out front reveals you’re at “Howard’s Johnson.”
2. Sign out front says, “WELCOME, NAMBLA CONVENTION”
1. “Indian Graveyard Inn” even *sounds* like a bad idea.
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com ]Pop-I the Sailor Man
Pop-I the Sailor Man ToT ToT
Lives in a garbage can ToT ToT
Turned on the heeter and
Burnt of his peter
Pop-I the Sailor Man ToT ToT
Top Down
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde #1: “I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!”
Blonde #2: “Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!”
Rocket Science
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle,
all traveling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne
fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshield of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the
gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the
barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed
through the control console, snapped the engineer’s backrest in two and embedded
itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along
with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for
suggestions.
NASA’s response was just three words, “Thaw the chicken.”
Woman and Rocks
What do women and rocks have in common? If there flat skip them.
In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck’s…
In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck’s wife went into labor
in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist
in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the
father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see
what I am
doing.”
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. “Whoa there,” said the
doctor.
“Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down….I think there’s yet
another one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby
girl. “No,
no, don’t be in a great hurry to put down that lantern… It seems there’s
yet another one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a
baby
girl.
“No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to put down that latern…… It seems
there’s yet another one in there!” cried the doctor. The Redneck
scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
“Do you think it’s the light that’s attractin’ ’em?”
Blondes at a Bar
Two blondes walk in to a bar one blonde ducks becase she saw a pole .what does the next blonde do ? Answer:she walked on to the pole
Your mama
your mama is so stupid when she want to fill out a job application where it says sex, she put monday tuesday sometimes wednesday too.
Cigarette Dispenser
There was once this guy and a girl in a car, parked neatly on Makeout Ridge, and they were, well, doing the obvious. So, here they were, naked as jay birds, when the guy suddenly says: “I need a cigarette.”
“But honey,” his lover says. “The store closes in two minutes. You’ll never have time to get to the store, and get dressed.”
“That’s okay,” He quipps. “I’ll just run down there naked, and if anyone sees me, I’ll pretend I’m a statue.”
So the young man ran down to the store, got two packs of cigaretts (this store was obviously in a heavy nudist area or something), and starts to run back. The car is in sight, and he has a few more yards to go, when all of the sudden three nuns round the corner. He panics, and freezes like a statue, his beloved cigarettes in one hand.
The first nun walks over to the young man. “Oh! What a beautiful cigarette dispenser!” She exclaimed. She sticks a quarter up his ass, pulls on his dong, and he drops a pack of cigarettes in utter disbelief.
The second nun strolls over. “What an interesting cigarette dispenser! I must try it, too.” She sticks a quarter up the young man’s ass, chokes his chicken, and he drops the other pack of cigarettes.
The third nun was the unimpressed sort. She strode up, stuck a quarter up the young man’s ass, and yanked his monkey. Nothing happened. She pulled on his Element of Adam again. Nothing happened. She tried a third time, and her eyes widened with sudden realization and suprise. “Oh, I get it! A lotion dispenser!”
Congress…Wisdom?
Rep. Bill Schuette (R-MI) recently adcvised constituents not to expect
all their problems to be solved by the federal government. He warned
voters, “Congress is not the sole suppository of wisdom.”