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Se re�ne Jes�s con sus ap�stoles y les pide:

“Hijos m�os, levantad y recoged una piedra que vamos a la monta�a a rezar”.

Todos los disc�pulos se levantan r�pidamente y cada uno toma una piedra da tama�o regular. Sin embargo, Judas se queda pensando con cierto recelo:

“Ya va empezar a joder otra vez: cu�ndo no es ayuno, es rezar todo el d�a. �No joda!”

Entonces, resentido, agarra una piedra peque�ita y se va a la monta�a. Cuando todos llegan arriba, Jes�s se levanta e indica:

“Bueno, hijos m�os, rezad para que las piedras se nos conviertan en pan”.

S�bitamente, todas las piedras se convierten en pan y todos los ap�stoles se alegran por su pedazo de pan. Detr�s, Judas se queda arrecho porque lo que ten�a era un pedacito nada m�s.

Al mes siguiente, Jes�s dice lo mismo de agarrar piedras y Judas piensa:

“�Ahora s�, no joda, ahora s� que me toca a m�!”

Y coge una piedra que pesaba la mitad de lo que �l pesaba, que casi no pod�a con ella, por lo que todos llegaron antes que �l. Cuando �ste arriba, todo sudado y casi sin aire, pregunta:

“�Ya empezaron?”

Uno de los disc�pulos le contesta que no y que se siente. Estando todos ah�, Jes�s se levanta y dice:

“Bueno, ahora todos tirad la piedra, porque traje pan y queso para que todos comamos”.

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment wouldlet it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we werequite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ERNEST ORLANDO LAWRENCE BERKELEY NATIONAL LABORATORY:

Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. LBNL, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), LBNL helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. LBNL convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with LBNL consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. LBNL helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken ‘crossed’ the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

BILL CLINTON: Let me make this clear. I DID NOT have sex with this chicken. I did not give this chicken any gifts. This chicken, if it did cross the road, must have had legitimate business on the other side of the road. I have eaten chicken in the past, but Hilary and I have worked through those issues.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?”

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
British or Americans.

(B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

(C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.

(D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans

(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It’s speaking English that kills
you.

On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their county got it’s name.

Below is his explanation…

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada.

“You know,” said the first explorer, “we should name this place we’re hiking through.”

“I agree,” said the second explorer.
“Great idea” quipped the third explorer.
“We’ll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that.”

“Okay,” said the third, “I’ll go first. C, eh.”
The second said: “N, eh.”
The first… “D, eh.”

And now you know the story.