Yo Momma Jackpot!

Yo mama’s like…

– Yo mama’s like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on.
– Yo mama’s like a bowling ball. She’s picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more.
– Yo mama’s like a rifle…four cocks and she’s loaded.
– Yo mama’s like a bubble gum machine…five cents a blow.
– Yo mama’s like Chinese food…sweet, sour, and cheap.
– Yo mama’s like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
– Yo mama’s like Burger King… Your way, right away.
– Yo mama’s like a squirrel, she’s always got some nuts in her mouth.
– Yo mama’s like 7-Eleven… open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.
– Yo mama’s like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit.
– Yo mama’s like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
– Yo mama’s like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
– Yo mama’s like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
– Yo mama’s like a 747, she has a very large cockpit.
– Yo mama’s like a microwave, one button and she’s hot.
– Yo mama’s like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
– Yo mama’s like a mail box, open day and night.
– Yo mama’s like a bag of potato chips, “Free-To-Lay.”
– Yo mama’s like a turtle, once she’s on her back she’s fucked.
– Yo mama’s like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
– Yo mama’s like a bowling ball, you can fit three fingers in.
– Yo mama’s like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
– Yo mama’s like cheap liquor, tastes like shit.
– Yo mama’s like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port.
– Yo mama’s like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
– Yo mama’s like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
– Yo mama’s like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
– Yo mama’s like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.
– Yo mama’s like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
– Yo mama’s like Pizza Hut, if she isn’t there in 30 minutes… it’s free.
– Yo mama’s like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
– Yo mama’s like a carpenter’s dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.
– Yo mama’s like a gas station… you gotta pay before you pump.
– Yo mama’s like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
– Yo mama’s like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
– Yo mama’s like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
– Yo mama’s like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
– Yo mama’s like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
– Yo mama’s like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
– Yo mama’s like a race car driver… she burns a lot of rubbers.
– Yo mama’s like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
– Yo mama’s like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
– Yo mama’s like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
– Yo mama’s like a Toyota, “OOooh what a feeling!”
– Yo mama’s like a vacuum cleaner… a real good suck.
– Yo mama’s like a vacuum cleaner… she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
– Yo mama’s like an ice cream cone… everyone gets a lick.
– Yo mama’s like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
– Yo mama’s like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
– Yo mama’s like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
– Yo mama’s like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
– Yo mama’s like Denny’s… open 24 hours.
– Yo mama’s like McDonalds… Billions and Billions served.
– Yo mama’s like McDonalds… What you want is what you get.
– Yo mama’s like mustard, she spreads easy.
– Yo mama’s like the Pillsbury dough boy… everybody pokes her.
– Yo mama’s like lettuce, $1 a head.
– Yo mama’s like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.
Your momma is so fat… the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!
– Yo momma is so ugly, she entered and ugly contest and one of the judges said “Sorry…No proffessionals allowed!!!”
-Yo momma’s so fat, when the lord said – “Let There Be Light”, he had to ask her to move over!
-Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow that when she smiles, people SLOW DOWN!
-Yo mama is so fat, she walked into a resturant took one look at the menu and said,”yes please!”
-Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!
-Yo momma’s so fat she had to get baptised at Sea World!
-Whenever your mamma farts, she causes a continental drift!
-Yo momma’s so fat even if she was the last person alive, the world would still be over populated!

Political Periodic Table

In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:
Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons.

With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water.

Canadium Eh
Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called Boron.

Innofensium Pc
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons, quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.

Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.

Quaylium Vp
Einsteinium it ain’t.

Budweisium Ps
Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.

Cabmium Cb
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is variable, and scientists have not determined the formula for calculating it.

Politicium Po
Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal concentrations in the House.

Congress Cg
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.

Snot Sn
Bonds forever with corduroy.

Chinese

These three guys were in hell when the devil said i will let you go to heaven of you can make this woman have a blue baby. There is a white guy a black guy and a chinese guy. The white guy makes a white baby with the woman. The black guy makes a black baby with the woman. The chinese guy somehow makes a blue baby and the devil asks how. The Chinese guy replies,” Me Chinese me play tricks me put clorox on my dick.”

Ending It All

An 83-year old woman decided that she’d seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn’t certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple. So she shot herself in the left kneecap.

Dos tipos, uno de ellos

Dos tipos, uno de ellos ventr�locuo, que pasean por la alta monta�a deciden gastarle una broma a un pastor. Haci�ndose pasar por periodistas, le solicitan al buen hombre permiso para hacerle una entrevista a sus ovejas.

El ovejero accede creyendo que los sujetos est�n locos, pero cu�l no ser�a su sorpresa cuando al o�r que a la pregunta: �Se�ora oveja: Vd. cuando hace el amor, con qui�n lo hace? El animal, con un movimiento de cabeza, responde:

“Yo, con aquel carnero de all�”.

De inmediato, el pastor se levanta y, dirigi�ndose a los pseudo periodistas, les asegura, muy nervioso:

“�A aquella negra no le pregunten que es muy mentirosa!”