toyr so fat that you broke the weight limit to a sidewalk
Author: admin
HMO
Mr. Clark, I’m afraid I have bad news, the doctor told his anxious patient. You only have six months to live. The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. I can’t possibly pay you in that time. Okay, the doctor said, let’s make it nine months.
Alabama Speed Trap
A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?”
“Ever go a fishin’?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.
“Ummm, yeah…” the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, “Did you ever catch ’em all?”
This skeleton goes into a bar, and asks for…
This skeleton goes into a bar, and asks for a beer and a mop…
Three freshman engineering students
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about
who might’ve designed the human body. The first one said, “It must’ve been a
mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff –
a mechanical engineer must have designed all that.”
The second one said, “No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The
complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an
electrical engineer.”
Then the third one said, “No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run
a waste water line through a recreational area?”
This is pretty close to an actual sales call…
This is pretty close to an actual sales call I received. The sales
person’s name has been changed. The company name has not. I think
we’ll stick with our current provider.
Bob: Hello, I’m Bob ______ from AT&T, and I’m calling to let you know
about the Internet services we offer. Do you have a minute to…
Me: I’m kind of busy right now, but if you could just email me the
information I’ll call you back if I’m interested. My address
is…
Bob: Could I have your fax number? We’re behind a firewall, so our email
doesn’t always get through.
The magical fruit
One day a guy was driving home from work urging for baked beans.After so long he finally went into a nearby restaurant and ate 5 servings of beans.He drove home and his wife told him she had a surprise for him,so she blindfolded him.Just then the phone rang and the wife went to get it but said whatever you do, dont peek and sat him at the dining room table.The guy noticed the beans satrted to have an affect.He lifted up his leg and let out a big one.He kept farting and finally the wife got off the phoine.She walked into the dining room and said …..whats that smell?…….It was time for his surprise so the wife took off his blind fold and there were guests all around the table for his birthday.
Monica vs. Cola Machine
Q: What does Monica Lewinsky and a cola machine have in common?
A: Both say “insert bill here”.
The Top 16 Signs You’ve Hired the Wrong Interior Decorator
16> He shows up wearing tights and a beach-towel cape and shouts, “This is a job for Decoratorman!”15> His stated intent to “Graceland this place up” is a little worrisome.14> Suggests trying a scheme that’s color-coordinated with your gastro-intestinal tract.13> It turns out the only thing he has in common with Martha Stewart is a felony conviction.12> Her default solution to any wall-covering situation? Clay Aiken posters.11> Keeps trying to convince you of the decorative power of Quaker Rolled Oats.10> Asks if you wouldn’t mind storing some corpses for him in your basement “until the heat dies down.”9> Suggests you sell your kids “since they keep messing the place up.”8> As you enter your house for the first time, Tom Bodett and some guy with a violin are serenading you.7> Her preferred living room fabric? Ham.6> It’s not really important to you that the carpet match both the cat AND your toupee.5> You ask for a “country” decor; he gives you post-Nazi Poland.4> Every single room is the same: aqua on one wall, orange on another and Dan Marino’s face looking down from the ceiling.3> “I call this look ‘Abu Ghracious Living.'”2> You’re not sure exactly what’s involved in a “Chuck Berry-style” bathroom, but it can’t be good.1> Thanks to Escher & Sons, you can no longer find your bathroom.[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ][ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
What do you call a z
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde’s ass? A: A brain tumor.
Sign in school.
Sign in a school toilet stall …. “Flush twice, it’s a long way to the cafeteria!” Keep on smiling! 😎
The difference between art and
The difference between art and science is that if something works in art, you don’t have to explain why.