Author: admin

New anti-aging drug…

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Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way.

Andy’s wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asks her husband – “Darling, honestly, if you didn’t know me, what age would you say I am?”

Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,…
“Judging from your skin, twenty;
your hair, eighteen;
and your figure, twenty five.”

“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying…

“WHOA, hold on there sweety!” Andy interrupted.
“I haven’t added them up yet!”

Electrician

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After an electrician finished repairing some faulty wiring in an attorney’s
home he handed him the bill. “Four hundred dollars! For an hour’s work?” cried
the attorney, “That’s ridiculous! Why I’m an attorney and I don’t charge that
much.” “Funny,” replied the electrician, “when I was an attorney, I didn’t
either!”

IBM

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Lady goes to her gynecologist for pre-marital exam. Doc says, WOW! This is your fourth marriage, and you are still a virgin!
Lady says, Yeah. My first husband and I were hippies. We had a wreck in our VW van right after our marriage. He was killed. My second husband got sent to Vietnam before we could consummate and was killed in action.

My third husband worked for IBM. He just sat there telling how good it was going to be when I got it.

Clumsy bitch

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A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retire to bed.

Both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.

The man calls over to his wife, “My little boopey-boo, I’m lonely.”

The woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face.

The husband with a concerned look on his face says, “Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?”

The woman gets up and enters the man’s bed. The two have passionate sex and afterwards the woman rolls out.

As she returns to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and again falls flat on her face.

The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, “Clumsy bitch!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing

Llega un se�or a un

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Llega un se�or a un restaurante y pide una sopa de fideos, al empezar a comerse su sopa se da cuenta que dentro de la sopa hay pelos, trozos de u�as y otras porquer�as, por lo que se molesta y le dice al mesonero:

“Usted no sabe quien soy yo, yo soy un inspector de sanidad y este lugar es una porquer�a, as� que lleveme a la cocina”.

Al entrar en la cocina se encuentra a un gordo todo sucio, cochino haciendo arepas. El gordo agarraba la masa, la hac�a una bolita y se la met�a en la axila para poder darle la forma redonda, por lo que el inspector le dice:

“Usted esta loco, c�mo se atreve a hacer semejante cochinada, eso es insalubre voy a hacer que cierren este restaurante.”

Y el gordo responde:

“Y eso que todav�a no ha visto como es que hago las donas…”

POTENTIALLY

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A boy came home from school one day. His father asked him how his day was and the boy said, “Well Dad, I looked stupid because I did not know the difference between potential and reality.”His dad says, “Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with our next door neighbor for a million dollars.” He came back with a shocked look on his face and said, “Dad, she said, ‘Yes!”.”OK son, now go and ask your sister the same question.”A few minutes later he came back, shocked again. “Dad, she said, ‘Yes!’ also!”His dad told him, “There you go.”His son looked at him, puzzled. “Dad I still don’t understand.””Look son, POTENTIALLY we are multi-millionaires, but in REALITY we are dead broke and living with a couple of whores.”