Q: What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!
Author: admin
Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?…
Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?
– Playing marbles.
Bras
A man walks into the woman’s section of a department store and tells the sales
clerk he wants to buy a bra for his wife.
“What type of bra?” asked the clerk?
“Type?” inquires the man, “there’s more than one type?”
“There are three types.” Replies the clerk,
“The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one
do you need?”
Still confused the man asked, “What is the difference in them?”
The clerk responds, “It is really very easy. The Catholic type supports the
masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen and the Baptist type makes
mountain’s out of mole hills.”
Clinton Country
A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer, just as
President Clinton appeared on TV. After a few sips he looked up
at the TV and mumbled, “He’s a horse’s ass if I’ve ever seen
one!” A customer at the end of the bar, stood up walked over to
him, and knocked him out.
As he was finishing his beer, Hilary Clinton appeared on TV.
“She’s a horse’s ass too!” the man exclaimed. At the other end
of the bar, a customer stood up, walked over to him, and knocked
him off his barstool. “Damn it!”, he said, getting back on his
barstool. “This must be Clinton country.”
“Nope”, the bartender replied. “Horse country”
Driving Miss Bobbit
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices… when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices off the man’s wanger, and angrily tosses it out the window of the car. Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a guy and his 10 year-old daughter chatting away beside him. All of a sudden, the wanger smacks the windshield of the pickup, sticks briefly, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy: “Daddy! What was that!?”Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, “It was only a bug, honey.”The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, says… “sure had a big dick!!!”
The Gas Men
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee,
were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at
the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men
as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger
co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older
guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last
house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two gas men running as hard as
you two were, I figured I’d better run too!”
Can I Smell Somethin
A guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks, “Can I smell your Pussy?”The woman is outraged and answers with a stern, “Of course not!”The drunk man replies…….”Oh, then it must be your feet.”
To err is human;
To err is human; to admit it is not.
Gorilla and the Lion
A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horny. One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find. As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn’t thrilled with his find but since he had promised himself he would take the first thing he could get, he grabbed the lion and screwed it. Just as the gorilla finished, the lion awoke and was really pissed. The lion started chasing the gorilla through the zoo and was beginning to gain on him. The gorilla turned a corner and saw a park bench with a newspaper on it. Thinking quickly, the gorilla sat down on the bench and held the newspaper in front of him like he was reading it. When the lion turned the corner he stopped at the park bench. Not knowing what was behind the newspaper he asked the reader if he had seen a gorilla run by. From behind the paper, the gorilla said, ‘You mean the one that screwed the lion?’ The lion shook his head and shouted, ‘Oh no! It’s already in the papers!’
Insulted
When the husband came home from his job, he found his wife crying.
“Your mother insulted me, very much.” she sobbed.
“My mother? How could she do that when she’s on a vacation on the other side of the world?”
“I know. But this morning, a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it, because I was curious.”
“And?”
“At the end of the letter, it was written:
P.S. Dear Catherine, when you’ve read this letter, don’t forget to give it to my son.”
Who To Marry
There once was a man who had three girlfriends, and he couldn�t decide which one to marry. He decided to give five thousand dollars to each woman to see what she would do with it.The first woman bought new clothes for herself. She got an expensive new hairdo, a massage, a facial, a manicure, and a pedicure. She said, I spent the money so that I would look pretty for you because I love you so much.The second woman bought a VCR, a CD player, a set of golf clubs, and a tennis racket and gave them to the man. I used the money to buy you these gifts because I love you, she told him.The third woman invested the money in the stock market and within a short time had doubled her investment. She returned the initial five thousand dollars to the man and reinvested the profit. Im investing in our future because I love you so much, she said.The man carefully considered how each woman had spent the money, and married the woman with the biggest tits.
Son in law
A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom.
She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with her vibrator.
“What are you doing?” asked the mom.
“Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married so this is pretty much my husband.”
The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asked.
His daughter replied, “I already told mom, I am 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I’ll ever get to a husband.”
The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.
The next day the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand, and the vibrator in the other hand, watching the football game.
“For Christsakes, what are you doing?” she cried.
The husband replied “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m having a beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent