Author: admin

75 Year Old Husband

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On the fourth day of their honeymoon, the 21 year old bride was begging for mercy from her 75 year old husband.

Rather than endure yet another lovemaking session, she slipped out of the room while he was showering and went to the hotel coffee shop.

The waitress, who had served the couple breakfast each day, was shocked at the woman’s appearance.

“Honey, you’re just a young thing,” she remarked, “but you look like hell. What’s up?”

“I’ve been double-crossed,” the miserable bride moaned. “When he said he’d been saving up for 50 years, I thought he meant CASH!”

What Can You Give Me?

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One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak with the pharmacist.

“I am the pharmacist,” she informed him.

“Oh, in that case forget it,” he replied and started to leave.

“Young man,” the lady said to him, “My sister and I have been pharmacists for forty years and there is nothing we haven’t heard, so what is your problem?”

“Well,” the young man said reluctantly, “I have a problem with erections. Once I get hard, it won’t go down for hours and hours, no matter how much I masturbate or how many times I have intercourse! Please, can you give me something for it?”

“I’ll have to go in the back and talk to my sister,” she informed him. About ten minutes later she came back.

“Young man, I have consulted with my sister and the best we can give you is $600 a week and a third interest in the pharmacy.”

Blowing Smoke Rings

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Three little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, “My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings.”The second little boy pipes up, “Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his ears.”The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, “My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt.””Really, have you seen it?” ask the boys.The third boy responds, “No, but I’ve seen the tobacco stains on his underwear.”

Una se�ora va a sacar

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Una se�ora va a sacar el pasaporte. El funcionario en turno le pregunta:

“�Cuantos hijos tiene, se�ora?”

“Diez.”

“�C�mo se llaman?”

“Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo,Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo y Bernardo.”

“�Todos se llaman Bernardo? �Y c�mo le hace para llamarlos cuando, por ejemplo, est�n jugando todos afuera?”

“Muy simple, grito Bernardo y todos entran.”

“�Y si quiere que vayan a comer?”

“Igual. Grito Bernardo y todos se sientan a comer.”

“Pero si usted quiere hablar con uno en particular, �c�mo le hace?”

“!Ah! En ese caso, lo llamo por su apellido.”

New car

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A blonde bought a new car, then she and her friend goes shopping a for a few hours. Well finally when they’re done shopping they go back to there car. When they get there they realize that they have locked the keys in the car. So they try picking the lock and a whole bunch of other things. After an hour or so the blondes friend Susan(also a blonde) says “Ok we’re going to have to just break the window.” and the other blonde says “Ok.” They break the window and start to drive.

About five minutes later the blonde who owns the car says “Hey Susan it looks like its going to rain – will you put the top up?”

Do Whales Eat Humans?

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A little girl was learning about whales and she went up to her
teacher to ask her a question, “Teacher, do whales eat humans?”
The teacher replied, “No, their necks are too small.” The little
girl said, “Johan got eaten by a whale.” Teacher replied, “No he
didn’t, whales’ necks are way to SMALL.” “Well when I go to
heaven I’m going to ask Johan myself,” said the little girl.
“What if he went to hell?” asked the teacher. “Then you can go
ask him!” answered the little girl!

Tower of Love

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A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. “Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts.”

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, “Hey, no screwing!” They yell back, “We’re not screwing!”

A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, “Hey, no screwing!” Again they yell back, “We’re not screwing!” Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, “Hey, I said no screwing!” They yell back, “We’re not screwing!”

Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He’s not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says, “Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they’re screwing.