Yours Fun Portal !
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Acid!
Acid who?
Acid down and be quiet!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ada!
Ada who?
Ada burger for lunch!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Adair!
Adair who?
Adair once but I’m bald now!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Adam!
Adam who?
Adam if I do and adam if I don’t!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Adelia!
Adelia who?
Adelia the cards and we’ll play snap!
Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred. Everything is gone; Your life’s work has been destroyed. Squeeze trigger (yes/no)? I’m sorry, there’s — um — insufficient — what’s-it-called? The term eludes me. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. Seeing my great fault Through darkening blue windows I begin again. The code was willing, It considered your request, But the chips were weak. Printer not ready. Could be a fatal error. Have a pen handy? A file of that size It must be very useful. But now it is gone. Errors have occurred. We won’t tell you where or why. Lazy programmers. Server’s poor response Not quick enough for browser. Timed out, plum blossom. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. Login incorrect. Only perfect spellers may enter this system. This site has been moved. We’d tell you where, but then we’d have to delete you. Wind catches lily scatt’ring petals to the wind: segmentation fault. ABORTED effort: Close all that you have. You ask way too much. First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies so beautifully. With searching comes loss and the presence of absence: “My Novel” not found. The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao, until You bring fresh toner. The Web site you seek cannot be located but endless others exist. Stay the patient course Of little worth is your ire The network is down. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone. There is a chasm of carbon and silicon the software can’t bridge Yesterday it worked Today it is not working Windows is like that. To have no errors Would be life without meaning No struggle, no joy. You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. No keyboard present Hit F1 to continue Zen engineering? Hal, open the file Hal, open the damn file, Hal open the…..please Hal Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will. Having been erased, The document you’re seeking Must now be retyped. The ten thousand things How long do any persist? Netscape, too, has gone. Rather than a beep or a rude error message, These words: “File not found.” Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Ho Ho Ho,
“Hello out there all people of the world.”
This is Santa and I just wanted to let you know that Christmas may be a little late this year. See after checking all the boxes and tallying them up, I found some problems with the results.
The first result showed:
428,534,120 Good
428,523,119 Bad
The second result showed:
428,534,118 Good
428,523,121 Bad
So you see, I can’t, with good faith, go out and deliver presents while knowing I could have made a mistake. Maybe Little Johnny was good for once, then again, maybe not.
So, I have enlisted the help of all my elves and the Mrs. To help do a recount. We hope to have this finished up by 5pm on the 24th of December, but there is a possibility that it might take longer. You see the tally cards were not quite clear to me, although I made them my-self, I forgot what they meant.
You know, Good…and Bad??? And the check marks I used were not all the same, some went left, some right, some were just a mark. some went through both boxes, and some didn’t even have much of a mark on them. I leave it up to them to decide what I meant.
So if you wake up on Christmas morning, and there are no presents under your tree, at least you can tell the kids the story. Thank you for your patience and understanding in these times,
–Santa
10. Sag! You’re it!
9. Pin the toupee on the bald guy.
8. 20 questions shouted in your good ear.
7. Kick the bucket.
6. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says bend over.
5. Doc, doc, goose.
4. Simon says something incoherent.
3. Musical recliners.
2. Spin the bottle of Mylanta.
AND THE NUMBER 1 PARTY GAME FOR OLD PEOPLE IS… 1. Hide and go pee!
Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.”Well,” said the chaffeur, “I’ve got a good idea. Why don’t I give the speech since I’ve heard it so many times?” So Albert’s chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn’t answer”Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I’ll let my chauffeur answer it!”
20> You’re running the 100-meter dash against Scooby Doo and
Shaggy.
19> Budweiser bottles take their positions on the starting
blocks.
18> The Dream Team has Michael… but it also has Tito, Germaine,
Janet and LaToya.
17> Official Olympic program sprinkled liberally with poorly
typeset ads for Shorty’s Ribs.
16> Banner reading, “Sponsored by High Times Magazine.”
15> So-called Olympic “torch” closely resembles a Coleman
lantern.
14> Disproportionate number of athletes named Corky.
13> Opening ceremonies consist of tapping a keg and
releasing the weasel.
12> Swim coach insists you shave off *his* body hair.
11> Decathlete disqualified for not using a standard table
spoon in the potato relay.
10> Water tables along marathon route handing out shots
of Jaegermeister.
9> Competing countries include Oz and the People’s
Republic of Hawaii.
8> Rules of 400-meter relay require you to chase a
mechanical rabbit.
7> America’s best hope for boxing gold? Stallone and
DeNiro.
6> You’re pulled out of the crowd to run the 4×100 meter relay
after the original anchor goes into labor.
5> Crack open that gold medal — it’s choc-o-licious!
4> 10-meter platform dive replaced with tire swing competition.
3> Alpha Theta fails in bid for fourth consecutive gold medal in
distance vomiting.
2> Winner of the long jump? Not Carl, but *Emmanuel*
Lewis.
1> Basketball halftime score: Klingons 35, Romulans 32.
[ The Top 5
List
www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1996, 2005 by Chris
White ]
A renowned heart surgeon in LA died. The funeral was lavish,
with the coffin placed in front of a mammoth heart replica. As
the minister finished with the eulogy, there was barely a dry
eye in the room.
At the end of the service, the heart opened and the coffin
slowly rolled inside. At that moment one of the mourners was
having serious difficulty stifling the giggles. The guy next to
him, a good friend of the deceased asked, “Why are you
laughing?” “I don’t mean any disrespect. I was just thinking
about my own funeral,” the man replied. “What’s so funny about
that?” “I’m a gynecologist!”
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking,
and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says, ”I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to
the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we
don’t even have a fridge to keep it in.”
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is
thicker.
�� Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car,” he
laments, ”and she doesn’t even know how to drive!”
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both
walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. ”Ah, it kills me every time I
think of it,” he chuckles. ”My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched
her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she
doesn’t even have a penis!”
Your momma so fat last time she saw 711 was on a scale
If you cannot convince them, confuse them. – Harry S. Truman
These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. (emphasis on fool)
They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them. They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the bulls’ pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, “OK, lets get out and get him”!
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts –
“THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!”
The front guy says, “Well, I’m gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to “brace yourself!”
A woman was missing her boyfriend, so she decided to write him the following brief letter:Dear Anthony,I’ve been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool… nobody can take your place. I love you.All my love, KathyxoxoP.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery�