YOUR MOMMA SO STUPID THAT SHE LOCKED HERSELF IN THE GROWCERIES STORE AND DIED OF HUNGRY.
Author: admin
Wives of Diplomats
The wives of four world leaders were having ‘tea’ and the topic was raised of what one diplomatically calls a gentleman’s manhood in their language.Tony Blair’s wife said in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.Jaques Chirac’s wife said in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.Boris Yeltsin’s wife said in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.Bill Clinton’s wife said that in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth.
stupid
yo mama so stupid tried to enter a stupid contest and they siad no perfessionals can play
Which one?
Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones.
One is sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers.
Which one is married?
The one with the wedding ring.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Fountain Pen
Telephone rings at a Doctors residence
Doctor: Hello!
Respondent: Hello doctor, my son has swallowed up a pencil, can you make it urgently to my place?
Doctor: Thats fine, but what will you do till i come?
Respondent: I will use a fountain pen instead.
A Blonde gets pulled
A blonde gets pulled over for doing 50 mph in a 35 mph zone. The officer asks her for a licsense.”Uhhh…What’s that?”, the blonde asked. The officer says, “The little plastic thingy with your picture on it.” “Oh! I’ve got one of those!” and hands it to him.”Now I need your registeration. It’s the piece of paper that people usually keep in there glove box that says that the car car belongs to them.” “I think I have one of those!” and digs around then hands it to him. The officer takes them back to radio them in so she rolls her window up to wait. A few minutes later he comes back and taps on her window so she rolls it back down. Once she has it rolled down the officer unzips his pants to which the blonde says “Oh no! Not ANOTHER breathalizer!!”
Green
There were 3 guys who went to the priest to confess.
Priest: Tell me your sins.
GUY1 : I have been cheating on my wife with the new gorgeous
woman in town for the past 2 weeks.
Priest: Go outside and say two Hail Mary’s.
Priest: Tell me your sins.
GUY2 : I have been cheating with my wife for the past month
with the new gorgeous woman in town.
Priest: GO outside and say two Hail Mary’s and one Our Father.
Priest: tell me your sins
GUY3 : I have been cheating on my wife for the past 2 months
with the new gorgeous woman in town.
Priest: Just wondering but what is the name of this gorgeous
woman?
GUY3 : Her name is Mrs. Green–Mrs. Pussy Green
Priest: Ok well say 2 Our Fathers.
That Sunday while he was giving mass, a gorgeous woman wearing
all green–green hat, green dress, green eyes, green shoes, and
emerald jewelry walks in. She walks to the front of the church
and sits down on the first pew. The Priest wondering if this was
the famous Pussy green, leans over to the alter boy and asks,
“Is that Pussy Green?” The Alter boy looks and replies, “No I
think its a reflection of her shoes.”
Lawyer In Heaven (Classic)
A mechanical engineer died & went to heaven. Upon arrival Saint Peter checked
“THE BOOK” and didn’t find his name, so he informed the engineer that he must
get on the elevator and go DOWNSTAIRS.
Reluctantly the engineer boarded the elevator for the long trip DOWNSTAIRS and
upon arrival in hell found that he was very uncomfortable due to the excessive
heat. He asked to see the devil and was granted an interview, at which time he
requested a large of materials with which to build an air conditioner. The devil
replied that he could have anything he wished, and what he couldn’t find, they
would steal. So the engineer spent a month and a half building an air
conditioner, which, when completed, cooled hell off only a few degrees.
Somewhat unsatisfied the engineer requested additional materials, with which
he spent another month and a half building a sprinkler system to add to the
cooling effect of his air conditioner. Hell was getting much cooler now and
folks were beginning to almost enjoy it.
About a month later the red phone rang. The devil answered, and found that God
was on the other end of the line.
“Remember that mechanical engineer we sent down about 4 months ago?” God
queried.
“Hell yes, I remember!” Said the devil.
“Well, Saint Peter missed that man’s name on the last page of our book because
the page was stuck to the one in front of it. So I want you to send the engineer
back UPSTAIRS, as is our agreement. If they’re on THE BOOK, then they stay
UPHERE and if not, they go DOWNSTAIRS.” God exclaimed!
“I’ll be damned if your going to get that engineer back. He’s put in an air
conditioner and a sprinkler system down here and folks are almost happy to be
here. I expect that when some folks hear about this they may begin to request to
be sent DOWNSTAIRS!” said the devil.
“Now look here! We have an agreement! In the book—UPSTAIRS and not in the
book—DOWNSTAIRS!! If you don’t send that engineer back right away I believe
I’ll have to sue you!!!” shouted God!!
“And just where do you think you’ll get an attorney?” replied the devil!!!
your mama
your mama so poor…. her tits are real
Picking up Nun’s
A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat.
The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.
The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets of at the next
stop.
When the bus starts on it’s way the bus driver says to the hippie, “if you
want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.”
The hippie of course says that he’d love to know so the bus driver tells him
that the every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray
to the lord. “If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,” said the
bus driver (male), “you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex
with you.”
Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the
cemetery and waits for the nun and right on schedule the nun shows up. When
she’s in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and
glowing with a mask of god. “I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will
answer them but you must have sex with me first.”
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The
hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the
Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, “Ha ha, I’m the hippie!!”
The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, “Ha ha, I’m the bus
driver!!!”
What’s the definition of strain?
Q: What’s the definition of strain?
A: Teeth marks in the toilet seat!
The Cowboys under Switzer
Barry Switzer, clearly upset about the Dallas Cowboys’ losing record, decides to find out from Steve Mariucci what his secret is. So, Switzer travels up to a 49er practice and asks Mariucci, “Coach, how is it that your team is so good? What’s your secret?”
Mariucci responds by calling Steve Young over. “Steve, who’s your father’s brother’s nephew?”
Young answers, “Why coach, that’s easy. It’s me.”
Mariucci turns to Switzer and says, “That’s the secret, Barry. A smart quarterback. You’ve got to have a smart quarterback.”
Thinking he’s finally got all the tools he needs, Switzer returns to Texas and the Cowboys workout. He promptly calls over Troy Aikman. “Aikman! Who’s your father’s brother’s nephew?” Switzer asks.
Troy looks perplexed, thinks a minute and says, “Coach, can I get back to you after practice on that one?”
Switzer (disgusted) says, “OK.”
During practice, Aikman calls over Deion Sanders. “Deion, coach just asked me the weirdest question. Who’s your father’s brother’s nephew?”
Sanders replied, “Duh! That’s easy. It’s me!”
After practice, Aikman catches up with Switzer. “Coach, I think I’ve got it. My father’s brother’s nephew is Deion Sanders.”
Switzer (angry) reprimands, “No, No, NO! You idiot!! It’s Steve Young!!!”