Dad – ”Son, come in here, we need to talk.” Son – ”What’s up, Dad?”Dad – ”There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?”Son – ”I don’t believe, if I understand the definition of a ‘scratch the car, that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched the car.” Dad – ”Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?”Son – ”Well, as I’ve said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.”Dad – ”But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I’ll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?”Son – ”Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did ”I” scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.”Dad – ”Are you trying to tell me you didn’t drive the car into the mailbox?”Son – ”Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.”Dad- ”So you are saying that you did hit the mailbox?”Son – ”No sir, that’s not my statement. I’ll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.”Dad – ”But the car did hit the mailbox and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?”Son – ”Well yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.”Dad – ”So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?”Son – ”No! No, that’s not correct. Your question was ”Did I scratch the car?” From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car…the mailbox did…I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of ”No” when you asked ”Did I scratch the car” was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.”Dad – ”Where did you learn to talk like a complete idiot?”Son – ”From the President of the United States.”
Author: admin
Your momma’s like a brick…
Your momma’s like a brick, flat on both sides and laid by mexicans.
Electric Trains
Q: Why are electric trains like a mother’s breasts?
A: They were both designed for the kids, but it’s the fathers who are always playing with them.
Swing Set
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and
immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously
waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting
to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old
handyman working in a neighboring yard.
The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had
the set completely assembled.
It’s beyond me,” said the father, “how you got it together without even
reading instructions.”
“To tell the truth,” replied the old-timer, “I can’t read, and when you can’t
read, you’ve got to think.”
Family Reunion
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I’m sick of her, and I?m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her,” and then hangs up.
The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news.
She calls her father and yells, “You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a single thing, do you hear me?”
The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says, “It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they’re paying their own way!”
Bras
A man walks into the woman’s section of a department store and tells the sales
clerk he wants to buy a bra for his wife.
“What type of bra?” asked the clerk?
“Type?” inquires the man, “there’s more than one type?”
“There are three types.” Replies the clerk,
“The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one
do you need?”
Still confused the man asked, “What is the difference in them?”
The clerk responds, “It is really very easy. The Catholic type supports the
masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen and the Baptist type makes
mountain’s out of mole hills.”
Your grandpas so bald
Your grandpas so bald when he weres a turtle neck he looks like a broken condom.
The seven wise men
Once there were seven wise men, who made up there mind to build a pussy of there own design. The first was a carpenter full of wit, with a hammer a chisel he made the slit. the second was a black smith, black as coal with an amble and chisel he made the hole . The third was a fisherman old and bent, with his old gray beard he gave it the scent. The forth was a tailor tall and thin, with a pretty red ribbion he lined it with in. The fith was a furreror, tall and stought, with a hide of a bear he lined it without. The sixth was a doctor with an MD Degree, he patted it and felt it and said it would pee. The seventh was a rabi and a mean litle runt, he kissed it and blessed it and called it a CUNT
New Language Courses Ameirca
NEW LANGUAGES BEING TAUGHT IN AMERICA
Afro-American Speak — Ebonics (or We-Beonics)
Irish-American Speak — Leprechaunics
Native-American Speak — Kimosabics
Italo-American Speak — Spumonics (or Rigatonics)
Chinese-American Speak — Won-tonics
Japanese-American Speak — Mama-san-ics
Polish-American Speak — Kielbasanics
Jewish-American Speak — Zionics
Russian-American Speak — Rasputonics
Spanish-American Speak — Flan-ics
Scottish-American Speak — Tartan-ics
Eskimo-American Speak — Harpoonics
German-American Speak — Autobaunics (or Teutonics)
Candain-American Speak — EH?onics
Florida Democratic Voters Speak — Moronics
Clinton Country
A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer, just as
President Clinton appeared on TV. After a few sips he looked up
at the TV and mumbled, “He’s a horse’s ass if I’ve ever seen
one!” A customer at the end of the bar, stood up walked over to
him, and knocked him out.
As he was finishing his beer, Hilary Clinton appeared on TV.
“She’s a horse’s ass too!” the man exclaimed. At the other end
of the bar, a customer stood up, walked over to him, and knocked
him off his barstool. “Damn it!”, he said, getting back on his
barstool. “This must be Clinton country.”
“Nope”, the bartender replied. “Horse country”
Gorilla and the Lion
A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horny. One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find. As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn’t thrilled with his find but since he had promised himself he would take the first thing he could get, he grabbed the lion and screwed it. Just as the gorilla finished, the lion awoke and was really pissed. The lion started chasing the gorilla through the zoo and was beginning to gain on him. The gorilla turned a corner and saw a park bench with a newspaper on it. Thinking quickly, the gorilla sat down on the bench and held the newspaper in front of him like he was reading it. When the lion turned the corner he stopped at the park bench. Not knowing what was behind the newspaper he asked the reader if he had seen a gorilla run by. From behind the paper, the gorilla said, ‘You mean the one that screwed the lion?’ The lion shook his head and shouted, ‘Oh no! It’s already in the papers!’
To err is human;
To err is human; to admit it is not.