The best way to win an argument is to start by being right.
Author: admin
coat hanger
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?In case she locks the keys in her car.
Trucker Computer Terms
“Hard drive” — Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
“Keyboard” —- Place to hang your truck keys.
“Window” —— Place in the truck to hang your guns.
“Floppy” —— When you run out of Polygrip.
“Modem” ——- How you got rid of your dandelions.
“ROM” ——— Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
“Byte” ——– First word in a kiss-off phrase.
“Reboot” —— What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.
“Network” —– Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
“Mouse” ——- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
“LAN”——– To borrow as in, “Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.”
“Cursor” —— What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.
“bit” ——— A wager as in, “I bit you can’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.”
“digital control” — What yore fingers do on the TV remote.
“packet” —— What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Warner!Warner who?Warner you
Knock KnockWho’s there?Warner!Warner who?Warner you coming out to play!
Hour of pleasure
The dean at an exclusive girl’s college was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
“In moments of temptation,” said the speaker to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”
A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask, “How do you make it last an hour?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Una mujer est� fornicando con
Una mujer est� fornicando con su amante cuando llega el marido. R�pidamente, la se�ora le pide al tipo que se comporte como un pintor; �ste toma un recipiente y se coloca en una pared simulando ser pintor.
“�Qu� pasa aqu�?”, pregunta el esposo al entrar al cuarto.
“Mi amor, �te acuerdas que yo te dije que iba a pintar el cuarto?”
“S�, pero �y este tipo por qu� est� desnudo?”
“Es que yo soy un pintor tan pobre, que me quito la ropa para no ensuciarla”.
Consternado, el esposo dirige la vista pintor, pero repara en que �ste tiene el miembro erecto.
“�igame, �y por qu� eso est� erecto?”, reclama el hombre.
“�Y d�nde cree usted que yo coloco el recipiente de pintura?”
Snow on the roof
A seventy-five year old guy, his hair is completely white, marries a twenty-two year old girl, and she gets pregnant. Nine months later, he walks into the Maternity Ward. He says to the nurse, “Well, how’d I do?”
The nurse says, “She had twins.”
He says, “Heh, heh, heh…well, I guess that goes to show, that even if there’s snow on the roof, there can still be fire in the furnace.”
She says, “Well, then you’d better change filters. Both of the babies are black.”
The Barbeque
A:Are you going to da barbeque?
B:What barbeque?
A:My meat on yo grill.
You know you’re a redneck if..
You know you’re a redneck if you lose your camouflage truck.
Snowjob
How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don’t know when it’s going to come, how many inches you’ll get, or how
long it’ll last.
Dos borrachos se dirig�an en
Dos borrachos se dirig�an en autom�vil a sus casas. De improviso, uno le grita desesperado al otro:
“�Cuidado con el �rbol! �Cuidado con el �rbol!”
Chocan de frente contra un �rbol y, por suerte, salen ilesos. Cuando logran recobrar el conocimiento el mismo sujeto reclama:
“�No te dije que tuvieras cuidado con el �rbol?”
“S�, �pero t� ibas manejando!”
Message to Saddam
One evening Saddam decides to visit his most intelligent wife, opens the bedroom door, and finds her studying.
“Ah,” he says, “she must be studying for that history exam.”
So he strolls through the palace to the bedroom of the wife who is the best cook, opens the door, and sees her plucking this large bird.
“In the name of Allah, get the kitchen staff to do that for you next time!”
He then decides to go to the wife who is the best lover, opens her bedroom door, and is shocked to see instead 2 camels screwing.
Furious, Saddam confronts the palace harem manager. “What is the meaning of this?” he shouts at the manager.
The manager replies, “Don’t you see what your wives are telling you? Saddam, you’re history you stupid turkey, and you better get on the first fucking camel out of town!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis