Knock KnockWho’s there?Quiet Tina!Quiet Tina who?Quiet Tina courtroom – monkey wants to speak!
Author: admin
You Bastards
Dear ‘me’ AKA ?????????? stephenson Will you please refrain from making racist welsh comments involvin sheep and otha racist comments about them becase i have managed to hack into the isp number wich your e mail adress was made onn and ifr u dont refrain from this racisum i will personaly come over to your house and burn it down as i have managed to get your adress from the adress your computer is registerd on and usin ur isp i can find your adress and i will kill you and i managed to get ur last name as ur computer was registerd and now if u dont stop ill kill u and ur family
hey jamie its sherman sorry i was just doin that to scare u because even if the jokes are about a twat im very affended
Fat mama
yo mama is so fat she sat on a bike and made it a low rider. yo mama so fat she sat in a monster truck and broke the shocks.
Q: How many people
Q: How many people with multiple personality disorder does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One, but they’re really three.
Chicago…
Chicago –30-year-old Emad Haddad was shot and killed Friday afternoon
after chasing two men who’d robbed his store-Sunburst Food and Liquors-on
Chi-Town’s bright and glamorous 79th Street.
According to cops, two gents toting semi-auto pistols robbed the store’s
registers. Witnesses say Emad The Genius (as he will be remembered) ran
after the men with a two-shot derringer and took a shot at ’em.
They returned the favor with a hail of bullets.
Haddad was struck in the head and died on the spot.
Better Star Wars Dialogue
Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word
“Pants” for key words:
We’ve got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
The pants may not look like much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts.
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
Many bothans died to bring us these pants.
These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use
it.
Han will have those pants down. We’ve got to give him more time!
General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface attack.
I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
TK-421… Why aren’t you in your pants?
Lock the door. And hope they don’t have pants.
You are unwise to lower your pants.
She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to
retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
You look strong enough to pull the pants off a Gundark.
Luke… Help me remove these pants.
Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
That blast came from those pants. That thing’s operational!
Luke…..I am your pants.
A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my
old master.
Don’t worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily
guarded than this.
Maybe you’d like it back in your pants, your highness.
Luke, search your pants. You know it is true.
Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially
one… Your sister!
Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first
sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means “Stop, wrong hole.”
Sooooo Blonde
She was so blonde…She got stabbed in a shoot-out.She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. She told me to meet her at the corner of ‘walk’ and ‘don’t walk’. She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order. She tried to drown a fish. She thought a quarterback was a refund. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you’d get change back. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. Under ‘education’ on her job application, she put ‘Hooked On Phonics.’ She tripped over a cordless phone. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. At the bottom of the application where it says ‘sign here’, she put ‘Sagittarius.’ She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store. If she spoke her mind, she’d probably be speechless. She studied for a blood test… and failed. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train. She sold the car for gas money. When she saw the ‘NC-17’ (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends. When she heard that 90 percent of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
Una pareja que lleva cerca
Una pareja que lleva cerca de 40 a�os casada va paseando por la carretera. De pronto, la esposa le dice:
“Cari�o, �recuerdas cuando nos casamos y que fue en esta barda donde hicimos el amor por primera vez?”
“S�, querida”.
“�Qu� tal si lo hacemos otra vez?”, sugiere la mujer con voz melosa.
��Claro que s�!�, acepta encantado el hombre.
Todo el tiempo que dur� el acto, la esposa se estremec�a y saltaba y gritaba todas las exclamaciones posibles. Al terminar, el esposo, asombrado, le pregunta:
�Mi amor, �por qu� cuando lo hicimos por primera vez no gritaste ni te estremeciste tanto?�
��Porque hace 40 a�os la barda no estaba electrificada, est�pido!�
A Cowboy and his Horse
This Cowboy is riding the range when he gets ambushed by some indians. They take him back to their villiage to see the chief. The Chief looks at the cowboy and says:
“You White man, you will die at sundown, but Chief is not as evil as white man, so you gettum three wishes.
” What is your first wish?, The cowboy looks around, thinks, then, with a gulp, say: “well, can i talk to my horse o’ great chief?
“The Chief looks puzzled, laughs to his tribe and says “he-he, sure white man you can talk to your horse”.
So the cowboy goes to his horse and wispers in it’s ear, the horse looks puzzled, but then with bright eyes it gallops off in a cloud of dust. The Indians just sit and laugh at the cowboy for wasting his wish. BUT, all of a sudden the horse returns with a Blonde riding upon its back. The indians look amazed. The chief grins, points to a secluded Teepee. The cowboy now looks embarrassed, so he takes the blonde and goes into the teepee. An hour later he comes out and says, “Chief, can i talk to my horse again”? The chief says sure, but that be wish number two. Ok says the cowboy.
The cowboys goes to the horse and once again wispers into it’s ear, and with a gallop the horse is off!… 15 minutes later, the horse returns, this time having a Brunnette aboard. Once again the cowboy is shown the secluded teepee.
An hour later the cowboy comes out, obivously tired now, with only a few hours left before sundown. He looks to the chief, and before he says a word, the chief grins and says “Sure crazy white man you can talk to your horse..”
So the cowboy goes to the horse and GRABS him by the ear and yells
“LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT,…I SAID – GO GET A POSSE!!!”
The Pickle slicer
There was a man who has worked in a deli for two years and
everyday the man wanted to shove his dick in the pickle slicer.
One day he just says “Im goin for it.”
He comes home from work that night and tells his wife he was
fired from his job.
“Why were you fired?” asked his wife
“Becuase I shoved my dick in the pickle slicer.”
“What happened to the pickle slicer?”
“She got fired too.”
Guys Hanging
Q: What do you call two guys hanging on a wall by a window?
A: Kurt and Rod