Author: admin

Va marta desesperada al doctor. Ya en la consulta le dice:

“�Doctor, doctor tiene que ayudarme!”

“Est� bien, se�ora marta �qu� pasa?”

“Cada vez que con mi marido vamos a haser el amor, a �l le da por chuparme la teta, y al final no follamos nada.”

“Bueno, para la pr�xima vez que se acuesten �ntese queso en la punta de sus senos, as� va a tener un sabor agrio y no va a querer chupar.”

Se va Marta a su casa dispuesta a seguir el consejo, pero al otro d�a llega de nuevo al consultorio y le dice al doctor:

“Doctor, mi marido est� peor que antes.”

“�Pero por qu�?”

“�Porque ahora adem�s de chuparme la teta viene con leche y galletitas!”

Un tipo llega a las Vegas y le va excelente en un casino, gana f�cilmente unos 200,000 dls., por lo tanto, el casino le regala una suite por una noche, con la esperanza de que se quede y pierda todo lo que gano.

El tipo llega a la Suite y ve por la ventana panor�mica, una fabulosa vista de la ciudad. Entonces, necesitando de alguien con quien compartir su suerte, llama al botones y le pide le mande a la mejor chica de la vida alegre que pueda conseguir. En un ratito, llaman a la puerta y aparece la mujer m�s bella y perfecta que se puedan imaginar. El tipo la mira, anonadado, va y sirve dos tragos. Luego, le pregunta “Cuanto por un trabajo manual?”.

La chava no lo piensa dos veces y le contesta “500 dls”.
“Queeeee?” responde el primero, “es car�simo”.

La chava lo lleva a la ventana y le dice:
“Ves ese mall all� abajo? ” Tengo tres tiendas de ropa exclusivas. Las puse con el dinero que gano haci�ndolo con la mano. Debo ser muy buena en ello, no crees?

El tipo lo piensa, y como no tiene ning�n problema de dinero, se lo da. Media hora despu�s, todo tembloroso y jadeante, se levanta y sirve otros dos tragos.

– “Ese ha sido el mejor trabajo manual que me han dado en mi vida… Cuanto por sexo oral?”.

La chava responde: “5,000dlls.”

El otro exclama de nuevo, asombrado por el alto precio. La chava lo lleva de nuevo a la ventana y le se�ala un edificio a lo lejos: “Ves ese casino y hotel? Es m�o, lo compre con el dinero que gane haciendo sexo oral. Debo ser muy buena haciendo eso… no crees?” . El tipo accede. Una hora despu�s, esta tirado, con la cabeza hacia atr�s, los ojos en blanco, temblando, sudoroso, babeando y jadeante…

– “Ese es el mejor sexo oral que he tenido en mi vida…” Cuanto quieres por sexo completo?” Y la chava le contesta:

“Querido, si tuviera una vagina, ser�a la due�a de la ciudad…”

1. Only in America… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3.Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America… do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America… do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America… do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America… do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America… do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

10. Only in America… do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to admire the animal.”What’s your dog’s name?” she asked.”Herpes,” replied the dog’s owner.”How….odd,” said the woman.”Why Herpes?””Because he won’t heel.”

During an international gynaecology conference, an English doctor and a French doctor were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.”Only last week” the Frenchman said “a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!””Don’t be absurd” the Brit exclaimed.”It couldn’t have been that big — she wouldn’t have been able to walk if it were.””Aah, you English, always thinking about size” replied the Frenchman.”I was talking about the flavour!”

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it.

So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

“Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!”

“That’s all fine” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press the doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small, and the doorbell is placed at normal adult height, and the little fellow just can’t reach. After watching the boy’s sorry efforts for some time as he moves closer to the boy’s position, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing one hand kindly on the child’s shoulder, leans over the boy and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”

To which the urchin replies, “Now we run like Hell!”