A little girl and her mom were driving in a car when suddenly a
question came to mind the little asked her mother ” Mother is
god black or white?” the mother answered “Whell, honey god is
both black and white.” then the little girl asked ” Mother is
god gay or straight?” “Well, god is both gay and straight.” said
the mother. Then the little girl asked “Is god a man or a woman”
The mother answered ” HOney god is both a man and a woman” then
a question came to mind in the little girl that she had to know
she said ” Mother! is God Micheal Jackson?”
Author: admin
“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’…
“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid
problem?'”
– Arnold Schwarzenegger
Unmarried In BMW
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee.
Salesman
After his first day working at a department store. The manager walks up to his new sales men and asked him how many sales he had his first day.
The young man proudly answered �One.� The manager replied �only one, well how much was it for�? The young man responded with $39562. Curious the manager asked what he had sold.
He was buying some fishing hooks and I told him that he would probably need some stronger line to go with those hooks. He agreed but before he left I suggested he bought a new rod to go with his new line and hooks. And to my surprise he bought it as well. So I thought I would try to sell him a boat so that he could go out and catch some big fish. After deciding on the boat he realized that his car wouldn�t be able to tow the boat so I showed him the new truck we had and he bought that as well. By the time he had walked out his total was $39562.
The manager said �You are one hell of a sales men a guy comes into buy fishing hooks and you sell him fishing line, a rod, a new boat, and even a truck�.
�No� the clerk said �He came in to buy tampons for his girlfriend and I said your weekend is pretty much spoilt you should go fishing!�
A quote on marriage
Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. — W. Somerset Maugham
Talk to them
Q: Why do women have vaginas?
A: So men will talk to them.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Excels in
Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone.Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee.Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date.
Mail the Photo
Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years
in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their
virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they
wanted both to go to the same college but, the girl was accepted
to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on
the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to
spend anytime they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never
be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the
letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his
messages.
Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He
didn’t take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and
emails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed
with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to
get him off her back.
So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her
sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her
old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend,
leave me alone.”
Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more
so, he was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.
He wrote on the back of the photo the following, “Dear Mom and
Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!”
and mailed the picture to her parents.
BestJokes
Why can’t dogs dance?
Because they have two left legs!
Who Is?
In Texas, coach Barry Switzer is upset on how the Cowboys played after the
season. They were not a good football team. He did not know what the secret was
to have a good team, so he goes to California where he finds coach Steve
Mariucci.
He asks Mariucci “What is the secret to having a good football
team?” Steve calls quarterback Steve Young over.
He asks Young “What is your father’s brother’s nephew?” Steve answers “That is
me, of course.” Mariucci says “Barry, that is the secret to having a good
football team. You got to have a smart quarterback.” Barry thanks Mariucci and
goes back to Texas.
Before football practice, Barry calls Troy Aikman over. He asks “What is your
father’s brother’s nephew?” Troy thinks about it and asks “Can you give me until
the end of practice?” Barry is disappointed at this time but says “Ok.” During
practice, Troy goes over to Deion Sanders and asks “What is your father’s
bother’s nephew?” Deion answers “That is me, of course.” After practice, Troy
went back to Barry and says “Barry, I know who my father’s brother’s nephew is!
Do you want me to tell you.” Barry says “Yes! Who is he!” Troy answers “Deion
Sanders.” Barry yells “NO, NO, NO you idiot! It is Steve Young!”
Wedding Prank
These three friends, a Dentist, a Carpenter, and an Electrician were sitting around trying to decide what prank to pull on a mutual friend. Their friend was getting married soon, and his good buddies just felt compelled to play some prank, as all good buddies would.
After sitting around brainstorming for a while, the Electrician had a thought, “I know! I know! I can wire the bed so that when our friend and his new bride sit on it and touch one another, they’ll get a good shock.”
The Carpenter perked up and added, “and I can rig the bed so that when they get shocked and jump apart, the bed will collapse.”
The Dentist just sat in silence, because he couldn’t think of a thing to do.
After the fortunate couple’s wedding and honeymoon, the groom called his friends together for a chat. He said to them, “Well, when we sat on the bed and got a shock, it wasn’t that bad. And then when we jumped apart and the bed fell in, we had a good laugh. But who’s bright idea was it to put the Novacaine in the Vaseline?!?!?!?!?”
Thankfulness
I Am Glad I Picked You I saw you across a crowded room.Among all the others that were there,The lights seemed to shine down on you alone.I knew then I had to have you for my own.Willingly, you came with me to my home.From the car, I carried you & threw the door.Looking at you ,I admire your body,your well shaped legs,and breasts.Slowly I remove what wraps,around your body so tighly,fitting you like a glove.Exposing your tender white skin.From your neck I remove your charms,and carry you off in my arms,to the warm water that awaits.The water cascades down your neck,flowing over your soft breasts then,making your legs glisten with wetness.Droplets of water cover your taut skin.My hands rub your body, ummmmrunning them threw the beads of water.Making them trickle down off your body.I place my fingers inside you.You are warm and moist,so ready.I carry your still dripping body,to a laying place,so that I canput inside you what was wellprepared to enter you beforewe even came through the door.As soon as I lay you downyour legs spread open wide.You are ready now and so am I.I put a little in slowly at first,getting a feel for how much you can take in.I put in more, you take it willingly.In anticipation, faster and fasterI put it in,,pushing it in deeplyas far as I can,,until I can’tput any more in,you are so tight.With your legs wrapped tightly,not wanting to release any of it,I make you so hot for a very long time,until your sweet juices escape from within.Then I taste you, with my tongue at first,your skin is so soft and tender.I taste more of you with my mouth,you are so hot and moist,you taste so good.Your juices coating my mouth,making me drool in anticipationof eating you more,with every taste.”Oh yes”, I say to you,”I must say Grace””Thank God for Butterball turkey…. Amen”