yo mommas so fat she sat on the arch a nd created
Mcdonalds
Author: admin
It Ain’t Margarita
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A Dry Martinez!
Yo mama
1)Yo mama is so stuipid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minites.
2)Yo mama is so has so much hair in her armpits it looks like
she has buck weed in a headlock.
3)Yo mama is so stuipid when she worked at a M&M factory she
through out all the Ws.
4)Yo mama is so fat she makes GODZILLA look like a micro machine.
5)Yo mama is so stuipid she 4got her own gender & name.
Gap in Blues defence
There are only 2 man-made things that can be seen with the naked eye from space…
The first one is the Great Wall of China, and right on it’s heels is the… GAP IN THE BLUES DEFENCE.
A man goes into his
A man goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare – the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare – the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son’s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare – the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn’t eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife. “Good God, Dear,” he proclaims, “I’ve just had the worst day of my entire life!” She responds, “You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning.”
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Compliment her,
Cuddle her,
Kiss her,
Caress her,
Love her,
Stroke her,
Tease her,
Comfort her,
Protect her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Spend money on her,
Wine & dine her,
Buy things for her,
Listen to her,
Care for her,
Stand by her,
Support her,
Go to the ends of the earth for her….
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
Show up naked.
Bring Beer.
Business trip
A wife leaves on a business trip. The next day she receives a telegram from
her husband;
– Where are our utensils?
– You should sleep at home, replies the woman.
Next day – same question, same answer until she returns home.
– Why didn’t you tell me where our utensils are?
– I told you “Sleep home”. She went to the bedroom and lifted the bed cover
and showed them where she had put them.
Why are…….so tall
Why are blacks so tall?
Because there knee grows.
How to get Soft Skin
A blonde reads that if you bathe in milk, it makes your skin beautiful.
So the next morning she leaves a note for the milkman, “Leave me 115 quarts of milk.”
The next morning milkman reads this and thinks I better double check on this.
He rings the bell and here is this beautiful blond with great complexion and tiny waist, he asks her if this is right.
She replies, “Yes it’s good to bathe in milk.”
The milkman then asks her if she wants it pasteurized.
She answers, “Oh no, just past my neck would be fine!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Everybody
A priest had lost his chiken and decided that…
A priest had lost his chiken and decided that he would bring it up at Sunday mass.
So in the middle of mass he gets up, walks up to the microphone and asks:
Has anyone seen a cock?
All the girls raise their hands
No,No,does anyone have a cock?
All the guys raise their hand
No,No, Has anyone seen my cock?
All the little boys in the church stand up
Bad Day at Technical Support
Tech Support: “OK Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.”
Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”
Before It Starts
A man comes home from work, sits in his lazyboy, in front of the TV and rudely tells his wife, “Gimme a beer before it starts”.
She gives him a beer.
About 15 minutes later, he says again, “Gimme a beer before it starts”.
Again, she gives him a beer.
A few minutes later, he asks again for a beer.
“Don’t you think you’re exaggerating? It hasn’t been half an hour that you got here and you already had two beers. I’m getting fed up with this.
The husband looks up and mumbles, “Now it starts . . .