Author: admin

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a market. A man came in
and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold
whole heads of lettuce. But the man said that he did not need a whole head, only
a half.

The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager. So he walked into the
back room and said, “There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a
head of lettuce.”

As he said it, he turned to find the man standing right behind him. Realizing
he had been overheard, the boy quickly added, “and this gentleman wants to buy
the other half.”

The manager okayed the request, and the man went on his way. Later, the
manager said to the boy, “You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier,
but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your
feet, and we like that around here. Where are you from son?”

The boy replied, “Minnesota, sir”.

“Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota,” asked the manager.

The boy replied, “They’re all just hookers and hockey players up there.”

“My wife is from Minnesota!”

The boy replied, “Oh Really! What team did she play for?”

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?”
The man says, “Methodist.”
St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24, but be very quiet as
you pass room 8.”
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion?”
“Baptist.”
“Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”
A third man arrives at the gates. “Religion?”
“Jewish.” “Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”
The man says, “I can understand there being different rooms for different
religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?”
St. Peter tells him, “Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they’re
the only ones here.”

Est� Jaimito en clase y su profesora se da cuenta que tiene un ojo morado. Preocupada por si acaso est� siendo objeto de malos tratos decide hablar con �l.

“Jaimito, �qu� te ha pasado en el ojo?”

Pero Jaimito evita contestar. La profesora insiste pero Jaimito no contesta. Despu�s de mucho insistir, Jaimito decide cont�rselo a la profesora.

“Ver�, se�orita, pasaba yo por delante del cuarto de mis padres y o� a mi madre decir: �Pepe, que me voy, que me voy, que me voy! Y mi padre respondi�: �Mar�a, yo tambi�n me voy, yo tambien me voy! Y nada, yo entr� a despedirme”.

Iban tres de Bilbao en una moto a toda pastilla por la gran via cuando se dan el tortazo del siglo y se matan los 3.
Suben al cielo y en la puerta se encuentran a San Pedro repasando los ingresos del d�a.

Les ve llegar y llama al primero:

“A ver, tu �c�mo te llamas?”

“�Pues Patxi!”

“�Y de d�nde eres?”

“�De Bilbao pues!”

“Muy bien, Patxi de Bilbao, �y qu� sabes hacer?”

“�Ay va la ostia! �pues jugar al mus y cagarme en dios!”

San Pedro le mira horrorizado y montado en c�lera le echa de ah� derechito para el infierno.

A�n enojad�simo llama al segundo y comienza el interrogatorio:

“�De d�nde eres t�?”

“�De Bilbao tambi�n oye!”

“�Ah! y seguro que ven�as con el que conduc�a la moto, �no?”

“Pues s�, y antes de que me preguntes te dir� que yo s� hacer lo mismo: jugar al mus y cagarme en dios…”

San Pedro echa humo por las orejas.

“�Pero que os hab�is cre�do! �Sinverg�enzas! �Sacr�legos! �Fuera de aqu�! �Al infierno!”

Viendo esto, el tercero que quedaba se propone no acabar igual de ninguna de las maneras, no sea que en el infierno se encuentre con la suegra.

Le llega su turno y comienza el interrogatorio:

“�Y t�?” dice San Pedro enfadad�simo, “�tambi�n de Bilbao?”

“S� se�or San Pedro, dice el bilba�no.”

“�Y qu�? en la moto tambi�n, �no?”

“S� mi se�or San Pedro, un error…”

“�Y t� qu�? �sabes hacer lo mismo que los otros dos?”

“�No! �C�mo puede usted pensar eso de m� se�or San Pedro? �Yo soy cumplidor a rajatabla de los 5 mandamientos!”

San Pedro pone cara de extra�ado y le dice:

“�Cinco? �cinco mandamientos? �CINCO MAS!”

Y el de Bilbao suelta:

“��RDAGO, MECAG�ENDIOS!”