An English man Irish man and a Scottish man enter a bar.
They ask the bar man for a free meal and the bar man says “yes,
if you kiss my daughter”
so the english man runs up the stairs and spots his daughter,
but she has skabs all over her face, so he runs out.
Then the same thing happens to the scottish man and he runs out.
Then the irish man goes in pulls the scabs of her face, puts
them in a bag and throws them out the window, then after kissing
the girl he gets his free meal and leaves the bar saying
“that was a good meal”
then both the scottish and english man say
“yes, and we had a nice bag of pork scratchings!”
Author: admin
Nobody’s ugly after 2 a.m.!
Nobody’s ugly after 2 a.m.!
Difference between a vulture and your mother-in-la
What is the difference between a vulture and your mother-in-law?
Vultures wait until your dead to pick on you.
The Top 12 Cartoon Character Pick-Up Lines
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
12> Wimpy — “I’d gladly pay you Tuesday for a hummer today.”
11> Foghorn Leghorn — Ah say, boy, ah say, you’ve got it all wrong. Those little chickens you’ve been chasing around are roosters. What you want is a big ol’ hen, like me.”
10> Bart Simpson — “Eat my shorts, ma’am!”
9> Batman — “Wanna help to dispel those nasty rumors about me and the Boy Wonder?”
8> Speedy Gonzales — “Senorita, it’s just a nickname!”
7> Pepe LePew — “But, mon cherie — I don’t smell any worse than anyone else in France.”
6> Ross Perot — “I’m worth $4 billion.”
5> Porky Pig — “L-L-Let’s go back to my place and f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fu-f-f-fu… hump.”
4> Popeye — “I’m strong to the finish ’cause I takes Viagra!”
3> Pinocchio — “Hey, I *am* a woody!”
2> Underdog — “My heart is for you, my Polly, dear; You are pure and true, can I sniff your rear?”
1> Tweety Bird — “I wuuuv to eat putty!”
Equal Health Care for All
A young, promising medical student decides to specialize in
sexual disorders and goes to visit a facility which has just
accepted him as an intern. One of the resident physicians takes
him on a tour of the hospital.
All of a sudden, they pass a booth with a young man there
masturbating furiously. The intern turning to his superior asks
about the man’s problem.
The resident responds, “Oh, that man has an enormously
over-active sex drive and has to have twenty orgasms a day or he
becomes seriously ill.”
They move on through the hospital and eventually come upon
another man in a booth with his pants down around his ankles and
a beautiful blonde nurse on her knees in front of him lustily
servicing him.
The intern inquiring to this man’s trouble, the resident
replies, “Same problem, better health plan.”
God was a Civil Engi
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Are you an Internet Junky?
This quiz is dedicated to all of those people who find themselves constantly roaming the net. Do you leave yourself logged in twenty-four hours a day, even when you’re not home? Is your wpm typing speed higher than your IQ? Are you having trouble seeing things at distances greater than 2 feet? Yes, YOU. You know who you are.Ok… shall we begin? Yes? 5 points… (you could’ve backed out.)Unless otherwise stated, point values are as follows: 2 for (a), 4 for (b), 6 for (c), and 10 for (d).How many valid net addresses do you have? Multiple machines at the same site do not count.How many hours did it take for you to create your .sig?a) Huh?b) More than onec) More than fived) I’m still looking for a really funky quoteOn an average working day, how many email messages do you receive?a) Nobody sends me any mail… sniffb) Three, but they’re all from Lester in the next cubicle over, because he has nothing better to doc) I can’t count that high, I failed calculusd) Don’t ask me now, I’m too busy. Send me e-mail.All right, fess up. Have you ever read alt.sex.bondage just to see what the heck those perverts were talking about?a) Yes, and I’m so ashamedb) Yes, and I’m so embarrassedc) Yes, and would you please explain a few things to me…d) No, never. (10 points. You’re lying.)Have you ever met one of your past SO’s (significant others) via a computer network?a) Nob) Yes, through a newsgroup we both posted onc) Yes, by chatting randomly over the Internet (shame!)d) Yes, by chatting over RELAYOnce you’ve logged onto your system, what do you spend most of your time doing?a) Putting books on reserve in the library computer system.b) Reading _Alice in Wonderland_ in the online bookshelfc) Reading the monthly postings on rec.humor.funnyd) Writing up stupid quizzes because you’ve done everything elseIf someone were to telephone your home at any given moment of the day, what would be the percent chance that your phone would be busy?a) Zero… I’ve got call waitingb) 25%…. I only dial in from work (Uh, hi, boss)c) 75%…. Duh, so that’s why nobody ever calls med) Zero… My modem has a separate phone lineWhich Usenet newsgroups do you spend the most time reading?a) The comp. groups… because they’re so informativeb) The soc. groups…. because they’re so multiculturalc) The rec. groups…. because they’re so divertingd) The alt. groups…. because I don’t know what half those words meanWhat’s your worst complaint about having an Internet account?a) I have to pay $5/month for itb) The damn sysadmins won’t give me enough quota to hold all my .gif’sc) All those programmers keep tying up the modem linesd) I have to stay in school to keep itCheck your watch now. What time is it?a) 10 am… coffee breakb) 3 pm…. General Hospital’s onc) 12 am… one last login before I hit the sackd) 4 am…. Oh my God, I’ve got a test tomorrowALL RIGHT, GUYS. SCORING TIME.0-25 points: You’re not a nerd. Go read a manual or two and come back next year.25-50 points: You’re an up-and-coming Internet nerd. Why don’t you telnet over to 128.6.4.8 and play around with the Quartz BBS for a while.50-75 points: You’re a full-fledged Internet nerd. Join the club.75-100 points: You’re an Internet addict. Try going to the library this week, it’ll do you some good.100+ points: You’re an Internet obsessive-compulsive. Unplug your computer, go out in the woods for a few days, and relax. Lay back and listen to the birds singing. Clear your mind. And don’t forget to unsubscribe yourself from all those lists before you leave.
What do you calla Hindu dating service?…
What do you calla Hindu dating service?
Connect the dots
Morning?
Two blokes were walking their dogs through a graveyard.
1st man said to the other, “Morning.”
2nd man replied, “Nah ….just walking the dog.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Polak Puts Ice In Condom
Q: Why did the Polak put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.
Old
your mama is so old she has an autographed bible by Jesus
Q. What do you call a bull that is playing…
Q. What do you call a bull that is playing with himself?
A. Beef strokenoff.