How do you keep an Oklahoma State student busy for a month?
Give him a package of M & M’s and tell him to alphabetize them.
Author: admin
You’re a lite beer drinker,
You’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open up, Police!”
Black Box in SUV’s
SUV’s (sport utility vehicles)have been getting in a lot of
accidents so the government ordered black boxes similar to those
in airplanes to be install in every SUV.
In 49 states, the majority of the last words before a crash
were, “Holy shit!” In Wisconsin, the majority of last words
were, “Take my beer and watch this…”
Roar
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being
introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around
said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our
oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.”
They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
“Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in
Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing.
On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen
tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep.
I don’t know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the
bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever saw jumped
out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! I
tell you, I just shit in my pants.” The young men looked astonished and
one of them said, “I don’t blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a
lion jumped out at me.” The old man shook his head and said, “No, no, not
then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
More Obi wan sons
What would Obi Wan say to his noisy sons.
Obi quiet.
Wonder bra
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
Christmas party
A few years ago, we invited some friends over for a Christmas party. Many of my colleagues were there, and many of them are German. Helmut, Franz, and Rudolf were there.
I was talking to Rudolf about his belief in the superiority of the communist party. I grew tired of the discussion so I motioned towards the window and commented on the weather, “I believe it’s snowing”. “No, it looks too wet to be snow,” he said. The argument went back and forth for a few minutes: rain, snow, rain, snow…
Then my wife came over and settled the argument for us. She said: “Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!”
Too much of the 90’s!
Signs you’ve had too much of the 90’s!
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You now think of three espressos as “getting wasted.
You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back “What’s for dinner?”
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
You didn’t give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your online buddies via a Web page.
The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is totally foreign to you.
You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
And finally…
You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person!
Would you wear shoes if you had no feet?
Guy:”Would you wear shoes if you had no feet?”
Woman:”No…”
Guy:”Then why are you wearing a bra?”
How do you tell when you run out of invisible…
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
One more time
There is a boy and girl in CCD class.
The girl falls to sleep.
The teacher asks a question, “Who created Earth?”
The boy pokes her with a pen and she yells “God.” She then falls back to sleep.
The teacher asks another question, “Who was the Holy family?”
The boy pokes her with a pen and she says “Jesus, Mary, Joseph.” She again falls back to sleep.
The teacher asks another question “What did Mary say to Joseph after their 23rd baby?”
The boy pokes her with a pen and she says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time I swear I will snap it in half!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
There was just a dog fight
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?””Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. “What about it?””Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…””What are you talkin’ about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly. “How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?””Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog’s throat!”