Author: admin

Black Couples Costume

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A black couple were invited to a costume party. The man told the
women to go out and get his costume.

When he came home, he saw the costume that his wife had bought
laid out on the bed. It was a superman costume. Upon seeing this
he yelled to his wife, “Superman? A superman comstume? Have you
ever heard of a black superman? Go back and get me a new
costume!” A little aggrivated, she goes to get his costume.

The next day the man returns home and sees his new costume on
the bed. It was a batman costume. Apon seeing this, he yelled to
his wife, “A batman costume? Have you ever heard of a black
batman? Go and get me a new costume!” The wife, being furious,
goes to get a new costume.

The husband returns home the next day to find a white belt, some
white polka-spots, and a 2×4 of wood.

The husband, seeing this yells to his wife, “What are these
for?” The wife replies, “Well, you can just wear the belt and be
an oreo. If you don’t like that then put on the polka-dots and
go as a domino. And if you still don’t like that, than shove the
2×4 up your butt and go as a fudgesickle!”

The Sermon!

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A minister gave a talk to the Lion’s Club on sex.

When he got home he couldn’t tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members.

A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.

She said, “Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he’s only tried it twice.

The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off!”

Sean Connery

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Sean Connery goes to lunch with his business manager.

He excuses himself to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later he comes back, and the front of his pants are all wet.

His business manager says, “Sean, what’s the story? Do you need an
operation or something?”

Sean Connery says, “No, it’s just that every time I go into a public
restroom, and I’m taking a piss, the guy next to me always turns towards
me and says,
“Hey! Are you Sean Connery?”

Hot Dog

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Two immigrants arrived in America. On their first day off the boat in New York City, they spied a hot dog vendor in the street. “Do they eat dogs in America?” one asked the other. “I dunno.””Well, we’re going to live here, so we might as well learn todo as they do.”So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up in wax paper and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One immigrant looked inside his wax paper, then over at the other and asked, “What part did you get?”

Why Men Can’t Win…

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Why Men Can’t Win

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt
and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it’s favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.

If you cry, you’re a wimp.
If you don’t, you’re insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination.
If she asks you, it’s a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain.
If you don’t, you’re a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you’re after something.
If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.

If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re an egotist.
If you’re not, you’re not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she’s tired.
If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.

Appointment Excuses

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One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, ”I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again.This time he whispered in her ear, ”Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”