One day a polar bear walks into a bar. The bar tender asks him,
“What would you like today sir?”
After 30 seconds or so the polar bear answers
” A beer please”
The bar tender replies,
“Why the big paws/pause?”
(GET IT??? PAWS AND PAUSE!!)
Author: admin
Last night I played a
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Bumper Sticker #119
Horn broken, watch for finger.
Short Ones
What does pizza delivery man and a gynaecologist have in common?
Both can smell it but can’t eat it
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What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
All you can eat for under a buck.
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How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
If your girlfriend chews before swallowing
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What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A blow job with handle bars
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What is the ultimate rejection?
When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep
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What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
Crust
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How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
By sticking your finger in his honey
Yo Mama’s So Fat… Polka Dot…
Yo’ mama so fat, she wears a polka dot dress and people play twister!
Defending yourself
Judge: Are you defending yourself? Defendant: Yes, your Honor.Judge: You know that if you cannot afford it, the State may appoint you a lawyer.Defendant: I know, your Honor, but I don’t want one. I plan to tell the truth.
Computer Terms For Rednecks
BACKUP: What you do when you run over a skunk in the woods.
BAR CODE: Theme�s the fight�s rules down at the local tavern.
BUG: The reason you give for calling in sick.
BYTE: What your pit bull dun to cousin Metro.
CACHE: Needed when you run out of food stamps.
CHIP: Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
COMPUTER TERMINAL: Time to call the undertaker.
CRASH: When you go to Junior’s party uninvited.
DIGITAL: The art of counting on your fingers.
DISKETTE: A female Disco dancer.
FAX: What you lie about to the IRS.
HACKER: Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
INTERNET: Where cafeteria workers keep their hair.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
MAC: Big Bubba’s favorite fast food.
MEGAHERTZ: How your head feels after 17 beers.
MODEM: What yaw do when the grass gets too high.
MOUSE PAD: Where Mickey and Minnie live.
NETWORK: Scoop�s up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ONLINE: Where you stay when taking the sobriety test.
ROM: Where the pope lives.
SCREEN: Helps keep the skitters off the porch.
SERIAL PORT: A red wine you drink with breakfast.
SUPERCONDUCTOR: Amtrak’s Employee of the year.
SCSI: What you call your week-old underwear
New driver’s license
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the beaming boy to his father. “Nope,” comes dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”
En un partido de f�tbol
En un partido de f�tbol entre Colombia y Argentina cuyo marcador es 0 a 0, un narrador argentino dice:
“Colombia cero goles… ARGENTINA CERO GOOOOOLAAAAAAZZZZOOOOSSSSSSSSSSS!
Skeleton in Bar
Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into the bar.
He said,”Could I please have a beer, and by the way, I’ll need a mop.”
Editted by Curtis
Top 10 Things Not To Say On Your Anniversary
10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about
cooking.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought, “Why bother?”
4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this
year. Here’s a $5 gift certificate for McDonald’s.
3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I’ll take you to Pizza Hut if
it’ll shut ya up.
1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in
love.
Lack Of Meat In Poland
A Journalist has to write a story on the lack of meat in Poland. So
he goes off to Poland and asks the people: “Excuse me, what do you
think of the lack of meat in Poland?”
All the Poles reply: “Meat? What is meat?”
Seeing he cannot get an answer in Poland he goes to the USSR and
asks the Soviets: “Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of meat
in Poland?”
All the Soviets reply: “Think? What is think?”
Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USSR he goes to the USA and
asks the Americans: “Excuse me, what do you think of the lack of
meat in Poland?”
All the Americans reply: “Lack? What is lack?”
Seeing he cannot get an answer in the USA he decides to go to
Israel, and asks the Israelis: “Excuse me, what do you think of the
lack of meat in Poland?”
To which all the Israelis reply: “Excuse me? What is excuse me?”