The dying man gasped pitifully. “Give me one last request, Lisa,”he said. “Of course, Richard,” she said softly. “Six months after I die, he said, “I want you to marry Big Pete.” “But I thought you hated Big Pete,” she said. With his last breath, Richard said, “I do!”
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Pink and Purple
What is the difference between pink and purple?
The grip, man, its all in the grip!
Night tied to a tree
A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer.
As they walked along a fence line the buyer saw bee hives and stopped.
He said, “Those hives are pretty close to the road.” The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and have never stung anyone.
The buyer felt unsure about the sale until he proposed that he be tied to a nearby tree, naked, overnight.
If he was stung once he would get the farm for free, but if he wasn’t stung then he would pay the farmer double the price.
The farmer agreed and tied the now naked man to the tree.
The next morning the farmer saw the man leaning over and very pale. “Oh no,” the farmer thought, “he got stung and now I have to give him the farm!”
As he reached the man he gently shook him and asked where he got stung and if he needed a doctor.
“No, no, I’m okay I guess,” gasped the naked man. “I have no choice, do I? I’ll pay you double for the farm… but doesn’t that calf have a mother?”
En la escuela la maestra
En la escuela la maestra est� dando un dictado y los estudiantes escribiendo, cuando una de las palabras que la maestra les dicta es huevos.
Inmediatamente Robertito, en voz baja, le pregunta a Pepito:
“Oye Pepito, �Huevos es con h o sin h?”
Pepito le contesta:
“Yo no estoy seguro si va con h, pero, por si acaso, yo escrib� COJONES.”
Gay guy in bar
The bartender got tired of hearing these five drunks arguing about who had the biggest dick.
So he yelled out: “I am tired of this shit. Pull them out and put them up on the bar and I will tell you who has the biggest.”
They were drunk enough that all five of them responded and placed their dick up on the bar.
At this time a homosexual walks in, and the bartender ask: “May I help you?”
To which he responds: “Well, I came in for a glass of wine and a sandwich but I think I will have the smorgasbord.”
Who are they?
A man died and arrived at the gates of heaven. He was assigned to a guide
to be given the grand tour.
They entered a huge building and started down a long hallway. Soon they
came to a big door. The man looked inside and saw a huge crowd of people
dancing, laughing and having a generally great time.
“Who are they?” He asked.
“Those are all the Protestants.” was the answer.
They continued down the long hallway and soon came to another, similar
door. It also was wide open and the man looked inside and saw a similar
sight. Crowds of people just having a wonderful time.
“Who are they?” He asked.
“Those are all the Jews.” was the reply.
They then continued down the long hallway and soon came to another,
similar door. This door, however, was closed. The guide said. “Shhh, we
have to pass this door very quietly.”
“Why?” Asked the man.
“Those are the Catholics. They think they’re the only ones here.”
Why is the doctor eating wheaties? because…
Why is the doctor eating wheaties? because he needs calesterol
Why Birds Fly South
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk!
Camel and Giraffe
What did the camel say to the giraffe
Types of computer viruses
Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.
Yo Momma is so fat….
Yo momma is so fat, her car is made of elastic!
Don’t let worry kill you
Don’t let worry kill you — let the church help. Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com