A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.”How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which he replied.”That would be fine with me.”Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Author: admin
Taliban’s Fall TV Line-Up
The Taliban’s Fall TV Line-up
MONDAYS:
8:00 – “Husseinfeld”
8:30 – “Mad About Everything”
9:00 – “Suddenly Sanctions”
9:30 – “The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show”
10:00 – “Allah McBeal”
TUESDAYS:
8:00 – “Wheel of Terror and Fortune”
8:30 – “The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right”
9:00 – “Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things”
9:30 – “Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers”
10:00 – “Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer”
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 – “U.S. Military Secrets Revealed”
8:30 – “Bowling For Food”
9:00 – “Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread”
9:30 – “Just Shoot Everyone”
10:00 – “Veilwatch”
THURSDAYS:
8:00 – “Matima Loves Chachi”
8:30 – “M*U*S*T*A*S*H”
9:00 – “Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils”
9:30 – “My Two Baghdads”
10:00 – “Diagnosis: Heresy”
FRIDAYS:
8:00 – “Judge Laden”
8:30 – “Funniest Super 8 Home Movies”
9:00 – “Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionare”
9:30 – “Achmeds Creek”
10:00 – “No-witness News”
Sardarji on the Mountain
Once a Sardarji (a caste man in India) goes to visit a temple on a top of Mt.
Abu, where the roads are like a zigzag.
At the starting point towards the Temple, a man tells Sedaris that it will be
better to take his car in reverse to the top of Mt. Abu as there will be no
space at the top to turn around up there.
So, as per the guidelines given by the man, The Sardarji, goes to the top of
Mt. Abu in reverse.
After sometime the Sardarji comes down of the hill in reverse..
When the man sees him, he asks the Sardarji why he came down the hill in a
reverse gear.
The Sardarji replies that he got some space at the top of the hill so he
reversed his car.
The Accident Report
Here follows a tale of an accident report form filed by a
bricklayer:
“I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident. You ask for
a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be
sufficient. I was working alone on the roof of a six-story
building. When I completed my work I found I had some bricks
left over which later were found to weigh 240lbs. Rather than
carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley. Securing the rope at ground level, I
went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks
into it. Then I went down to the ground and untied the rope,
holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240lbs of
bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my
weight is 135lbs.
Needless to say i proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the
building. In the vicinity of the third floor I met the barrel
which was proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.
This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the
broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid
ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two
knuckles deep in to the pulley.
Fortunately I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly on to the rope. At approximately the same time,
however, the barrel hit the ground and the bottom fell out of
the barrel . Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel
weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
I began a rapid descent. In the vicinity of the third floor, I
met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured
ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower
body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the
barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when i
fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately only three
vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay in pain on the pile of
bricks I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go
of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
rapid descent back towards me…..”
Give the frog a loan
A frog walks into a bank and says “I wanna loan.”
“Well Mr.. frog, go over there to Mrs. Black’s desk, she is the loan manager, I’m sure she will be happy to talk to you,” The head desk says.
The frog hops over to Mrs. Patty Black’s desk and says, “I wanna loan.”
Mrs. Black says, “Well Mr. Frog, we will have to get some paperwork for you to sign, so if you will wait right here…” At this point the frog pulls out of his knapsack a golden disk and hands it over to her.
She asks, confused, “What is this?”
The frog croaks back, “I wanna loan.” She rubs her head, and walks back to her boss and says, “I don’t get it, a frog hops in here wanting a loan, and gives me this golden disk. Do you know what it is?”
The boss laughs and says, “It’s a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!”
HOLE
WHY DID THE GOLFER WERE 2 PAIRS OF PANTS
IN CASE HE GOT A HOLE IN ONE
“That’s enough out of you!” said the surgeon…
“That’s enough out of you!” said the surgeon as he stitched up the patient.
Stop smoking
What the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex?
Fill his water bed with gasoline.
Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?…
Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
Son In-Law in the family biz
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.””I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.””I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.””Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?””Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”
Bad Dog
A married man had a sweet young thing of a secretary and decided to take her
to dinner. He called his wife to tell her that he had to “work late” and she
said, “no problem.”
After dinner they went back to her apartment and had mad sex for hours. On the
way home he noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He fell into a state of panic.
What was he going to tell his wife?
He walked in the door and was greeted by his excited and happy dog. Inspired,
he fell to the floor and pretended to fight off the affectionate dog.
Holding his neck with one hand he walked into the living room and exclaimed,”
Honey! Look at what the dog did to my neck!”
His wife jumped up, ripped open her blouse and said, “That’s nothing, look at
what he did to my tits!”
Busy blonde
Q. How do you keep a blonde occupied for hours?
A. Give her a piece of paper that says “Read other side first” on both sides.