Author: admin

Sign Language

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A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a
handsaw. He sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to
him, but he can’t hear, so he does sign language.

To do sign language, the man on the 3rd floor points at his eye
meaning “I”, points at his knee meaning “need”, and moves his
hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants,
and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry
he runs down to the 1st floor and says, “What the fuck is wrong
with you, dumb ass? I said I need a handsaw!”

The other guy says, “I knew that, I was just trying to tell you
I’m coming.”

Who wanna merry me?

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Yung lady hears a door bell. She comes to the door and asks who
it is.
“Hello?” from behind the door. “I heard that you’re lookin for a
man.”
“Oh, yes. Please come in”, lady says.
She opens the door, there stands a young man in very poor clothe.
“Sorry, i don’t like you”, she slams the door.

In few hours she hears another door bell.
“Hello?” voise from behind the door.
“Hello!” she opens the door.
There stands an old fat guy, but rich.
“Sorry, you’re not my tipe” she close the door.

In an hour another door bell.
“Hello? I heard you’re looking for a sexy & rich guys. I’m one
of them.”
She opens the door and see guy with.out arms and legs.
“Sorry, I can’t have children with you, you’re handicape.” she
says
“Well, how do you think I rang the door bell?”

3 Wishes

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One day a jeaniewas hosting a party and said that if anyone could swim past his tank of sharks,ell,parhanas, and alligators, he would give them 3 wishes when suddenly he saw a man swimming for dear life trying to make it to the other end and made it, so the jeanie said “you have made it,waht are your 3 wishes”.The man said “i wish i had a shotgun and poof a shotgun,next i want some shotgun bullets and poof bullets,finally i wish to know who pushed me in.

Farmers House

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Man walks up to a farmers house, knocks on the door. When a woman opened the door, the man ask if she knew how to have sex.

Not amused, she slammed the door. Again, the man knocked, again, asked the same question. Again, not amused, she screamed get the hell away.

Later, she told her husband of the incident. he said he would stay home the following day just in case.

Sure enough, the next day the same man returned. The husband hid with his gun while the lady answered the door.

When she was asked again if she knew how to have sex, she said yes.

The man replied, great, give some to your husband the next time you see him, and tell him to keep away from my wife.

What if?…

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what if you were fixing a bowl of cereal and when you took the first bite, it was PORKIN’ beans and cereal?What if your knees were coconuts?What if you opened up your backpack and there was an evil, bloody baby inside?What if you were eating a candy bar and it had PORKIN’ beans instead of peanuts?What if somebody stabbed you in your asshole with a used cake knife?What if a gross, hairy eyeball was crawling up your leg?What if you took a shower with a stinking, dead heart of an armadillo instead of soap?What if you were stuck in a small, pitch-black closet with a thousand nasty sewer rats, and they were crawling over your body, especially your knees, neck, and mouth?What if you were brushing your hair with a used tampon?What if you bit into an apple and it was filled with cottage cheese – small curd?What if you were ugly?What if you were having sex with a diseased billy goat?What if you took a bath in sweat from a woman named Bertha?What if you had fresh produce and this sweaty cashier with nastiness on his hands touched it?What if your skin was peanut brittle?What if your skin was stucco?What if your toes were penises?What if your gel deodorant was mayonnaise?What if your nuts were bleeding bile?What if your eyes were nipples?What if (you were a woman) you took off your maxi pad and it had boo boo in the front of it?What if someone put pepper in your cereal?What if GOD was one of us?