Rabbit

This guy walks into a bar with a pet rabbit. He put the rabbit on the bar and says “Let me have a scotch and give the rabbit a beer.”

The bartender says “I can give you the scotch but I can’t serve the rabbit a drink, we don’t serve animals here.”

The guy says “You don’t understand, this is a special rabbit.”

The bartender says “What’s so special about it?”

The guy says “This rabbit gives the best blow job in the world, Why don’t you take it into the office and give it a try.”

The bartender takes the rabbit into the office and come out about a half hour later saying “I want this rabbit, it was the best” How much for the rabbit?

The guy says “It’s not for sale.”

The bartender says “I’ll give you $5000.

The guy says “No.”

The bartender go to the safe and pulls out another $5000. and says “Here’s $10,000.

The guy still says no!

The bartender passes the hat in the bar and comes up with another $5000. and says “This is all I got please sell me the rabbit.”

The guys finally agrees.

That night, the bartender takes the rabbit home after closing the bar, walking into the kitchen where his wife is, he shows her the rabbit.

She says “A rabbit, what am I suppose to do with a rabbit?

The bartender says “Teach it how to cook then get the fuck out”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis

The Wizard of Oz

At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in.

The toad says “Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis.”

“I’ve told you animals, I can’t help you with any big problems,” responds the wizard. “You’ll have to go see the Wizard of Oz.”

So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad.

“Oh wizard,” the elephant begins, “please help me. I was born without a trunk.”

Now the wizard is infuriated. “Don’t you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!”

The elephant responds “But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?”

“Oh that’s easy,” says the wizard. “Just follow the yellow dicked toad!”

Un amigo le dice a

Un amigo le dice a otro:

“Oye, vaya moret�n que tienes en la mejilla. Adem�s lo tienes muy hinchado, no?”

“Bueno, s�, es por el viagra. Como ahora hace un mes que lo estoy tomando…”

“�C�mo que por el viagra? Pero el viagra act�a sobre el pene, que yo sepa.”

“Ya, pero ahora cuando llego a casa, mi mujer me da un pellizco en la mejilla y me dice: �Pero que contenta me tienes!”

That’s Willie

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’

‘Why of course!’

‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh,
and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’

‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down and get up on the
table.’

After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up
and examines the tattoos.

‘That doesn’t look like them!’ she complains loudly.

‘Oh yes it does,’ the artist says indignantly, ‘and I can prove it.’ With
that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can
find; it happens to be the town drunk.

‘Well, what do you think?’ the woman asks, spreading her legs. ‘Do you know
who these men are?’

The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. ‘I’m not sure
who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definitely
Willie Nelson!’

Uh oh…..

Three young women wanted to become Nuns and be married to the church for the
rest of their lives. So they went to the priest in charge and asked how they
could become nuns. He replied that each one of them would have to take an
oath…..and do one last horrible thing before they were officially a nun. He
also said they had one day to complete this deed. They returned the following
day. The priest asked the first nun what she had done and she told him that she
had robbed a liquor store and gotten drunk than she had ever been. The priest
smiled and said, “Well done; now you may go drink from the holy water.”
Then he asked the second women what she had done. She replied, “I stole a
car.” The priest smiled and said, “Well done; now you may go drink from the holy
water.”
Finally, he asked the last woman what she had done. She replied, “……I peed
in the holy water”

Ebonics 101

Welcome to EBONICS 101

Herein follow a few terms to help you get started on your merry way towards the ve-nak-u-lar…

“Damn- that shit is DOPE!”
That is a wonderful concept/object/action.

“Can’t FADE that.”
I am unable to comprehend or assimilate that concept at this time.

“Shante ain’t havin’ it.”
This is not something that Shante will allow to occur.

“Homey- Boo was dropping PHAT beats.”
Our friend Boo was playing some wonderful music.

“YO!- Let me GAFFLE that BLUNT!”
Might I be able to indulge in your marijuana cigarette?

“JIMMY was on and I was HITTIN’ it!”
I had in my possession a condom, which was used in my engagement of sexual activity.

“What’s up? Why you ALL UP in my shit!?!”
Please sir/madam- stay out of my affairs.

“She is HELLA’ CLOWIN’ you HOMEY!”
The woman is creatively informing you that her interest in dating you is non-existent at this time.
“Woooooo- Renaldo was PITCHIN’ STRAIGHT GAME to baby-doll, and it was SMOOOOVE!”
Renaldo was creatively inquiring as to the marital status of the female, with the intention of asking her on a date.

“STEP OFF Cool- before I bust PHAT CAPS in your A** with my NEINER…”
It would be beneficial to your physical state to leave this area, as I will soon be encouraged by your disrespect towards me to shoot bullets into your buttocks with my 9mm pistol.

“Why is 5-OH always BUGGIN’!?!”~~~~
Why are the police officers always worried?

“Friday night- COLD CHILLIN’ with a 40 and a BLUNT.”~~~~
It is Friday eve, and I am leisurely enjoying a forty ounce bottle of malt liquor and a marijuana cigarette.