Well the other day I walked into a bakery and there were two doughnuts, a big one and a little one. I picked up the big donut and this women goes, “Hey don’t be greedy you shouldn’t have that big doughnut all to yourself!” So I replied “Well I’m at the front of the queue! Anyway which one would you have chosen?” The women said “The little one, of course!” And I answered: “So what are you moaning for, I left it for you!”
Author: admin
Tires and black people
whats the difference between tires and black people?
tires dont sing in chains
Llega un joven indio a
Llega un joven indio a un burdel, toca a la puerta y le abre la Madame.
Al ver su vestimenta, la Madame le dice:
“�Qu� se te ofrece?”
A lo que de inmediato contesta el indio:
“�Indio querer mujer!”
“�Tienes experiencia?”
“Pues…no…” responde el joven indio.
“En ese caso vete all�, a la selva donde vives, cons�guete un tronco de un �rbol que tenga un huequito, practicas all� durante un mes y luego vuelves. �De acuerdo?” le dice la Madame.
El indio se va. Practica durante todo un mes con un �rbol y regresa con una tabla debajo del brazo. Toca a la puerta del prost�bulo y nuevamente le abre la Madame.
“�Indio querer mujer. Ya tener experiencia!”
La Madame le hace entrar y llama a Romualda para que le atienda.
Romualda y el indio suben al cuarto, ella se desviste y se pone en cuatro patas en la cama para tirar estilo perrito. De repente el indio saca la tabla y le zampa tremendo tablazo por el culo.
Romualda, muy enojada, y sob�ndose las nalgas, le dice al indio:
“Pero bueno, �qu� te pasa?, �indio hijo de puta! �Por qu� me pegaste con esa tabla?”
El indio muy serio, parado a la orilla de la cama, le contesta:
“Indio querer asegurarse de que t� no tener avispas”
You’ve ever wrestled your mama
You’ve ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can’t find it.
Hey diddle diddle
hey diddle diddle
the cat did a piddle
the cows booked a room,
the puppy dog paid to see such fun
and the dish ran away with the spoon
Blue Testicles
A week after their marriage, Phil and Jill (newlyweds) paid a visit to their doctor “I can’t figure it out doc, and I’m really worried,” said Phil.”My testicles are turning blue.””That’s pretty unusual,” said the doctor.”Let me examine you.”The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, Phil’s testicles are blue. The doctor turns to Jill.”Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?””Yes, I am,” she replied.”And what kind of jelly are you using with it?”Grape.”
Have you seen my dog?
Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground. They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine. Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first hiker picked up a near-by rock and tossed it into the opening.
They listened….and heard nothing.
The second hiker picked up an even larger rock and tossed it into the opening. They listened….and still heard nothing.
Then they both picked up an old railroad tie, dragged it to the edge of the shaft, and hurled it down. Seconds later a dog came running up between the two men and jumped straight into the hole.
Bewildered, the two men just looked at each other, trying to figure out why a dog would do such a thing. Soon a young boy ambled onto the scene and asked if either man had seen a dog around here.
The hikers told him about the dog that had just jumped into the hole.
The young boy laughed and said, “That couldn’t be my dog. My dog was tied to a railroad tie!”
Blonde at the doctor
A blonde goes to the doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, Doctor! Everywhere I touch hurts!”
She touched her shoulder, and it hurt. She touched her leg, and it hurt. She touched her neck, and it hurt.
The doctor looked at her and said, “Your finger is broken.”
Computer Terms
486 – The average IQ needed to understand a P.C. state – of – the – art computer you can’t afford.
Obsolete – Any computer you own.
Microsecond – The time it takes for your State – of – the – art computer to become obsolete.
Syntax Error – “Hello, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.
GUI (pronounced “gooey”) – What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
Computer Chip – Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.
Keyboard – The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse – An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy – The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Hard Drive- The sales technique employed by most computer salesmen.
Portable Computer – A device invented to force business men to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.
Disk Crash – A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User – Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
System Update – A quick method of trashing ALL of your current software.
Cats instead
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed ?
We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving!
Air Heads
Poor Jim is killed in a Boston automobile accident, but happily he goes to heaven where he gets to meet God and asks God if he can ask him a few questions.
“Sure. Go right ahead,” says the Almighty.
“OK,” Jim says, “Why did you make women so pretty?”
“So you would like them,” God replies.
“All right then,” Jim nods, “but come you made them so nice and soft and curvey?”
“So you would LOVE them,” God replies.
Jim ponders a moment and then asks, “But why did you make them such air heads?”
God replies, “So THEY would love YOU!”
PC Support
Tech Support hotlines are not easy work, you get calls from all sorts of idiotic users that apparently can’t read a manual, or lack common sense. Here is a transcript of just one such case:
Caller “Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?”
Tech “Yes how can I help you?”
Caller “The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?”
Tech “Excuse, you’ve stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?”
Caller “It came with the computer, I don’t know of any promotion.”
Tech “Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?”
Caller “Yes, it says 4X!”