An archeologist is a scientist whose career lies in ruins.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
Author: admin
~*Blonde in the appliance store*~
A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes. So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes. The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde? The clerk says Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.
Sale un borracho de un
Sale un borracho de un bar, arrastr�ndose por el suelo. Va por la calle y sigue arrastr�ndose. Cuando llega a casa se arrastra por el pasillo. Entra en su habitaci�n y se arrastra hasta su cama. Se acuesta como puede y se duerme en seguida. A la ma�ana siguiente su mujer le dice:
“�Vaya borrachera la de ayer!”
“Yo no…”
“No lo niegues. Acaban de llamar del bar diciendo que te olvidaste la silla de ruedas.”
The man says
A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard, so he
decides to get acquainted. After introductions, he asks the
new neighbor what he does for a living.
The new neighbor says, “I’m a professor.” The first
neigbhbor then asks, “Oh yeah, what do you teach?”
“Logic,” the professor reponds.
“What is that?” the neighbor inquires.
“Well, let me see if I can give you an example…you have a
dog, right?”
“Yeah, that’s right,” neighbor #1 responds.
“And you have children too, right?” says the professor.
“Wow, right again!” exclaims the neighbor.
“So, then you must be married and that would make you a
heterosexual, right?” proclaims the professor.
“Unbelievable, you’re absolutely correct. How do you know
all this about me?”
“Well,” the professor says, “I observed there was a dog
house in your backyard, so you must have a dog. I also saw
bicycles next to your garage, so you must have children.
And if you have children, you are probably married and if
your married, you are most likely heterosexual… it was
all logical!”
The next afternoon, the neighbor runs into his old friend.
His friend asks if he has met the new neighbor. The man
says that he met him yesterday.
“What’s he like?”
“Well,” the man says, “he’s nice and he is a professor of
logic.”
“Oh,” says the friend, “what’s logic?”
“Maybe I can give you an example. Do you have a dog house?”
“Why, no, I do not,” responds the friend.
“Well, then,” proclaims the man, “you must be gay!”
Deer hunting
George W. Bush and Dan Quayle where returning from hunting. The two were
dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling
his along too.
“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something…but I can tell you that
it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers
won’t dig into the ground.”
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later George W. said to Dan Quayle, “You know, that guy was
right. This is a lot easier!”
“Yeah,” George W. added, “but we’re getting farther away from the truck….”
Girl friend
A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and
bleeding so the bartender asks, “What in the world happened to you, buddy?”
The guy says “Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a
two-bit whore.”
“Yeah?” asks the bartender. “What did she do?”
“She hit me with her bag of quarters!”
Cri-sco!
There was this old guy wandering around in a supermarket calling out at intervals –
“Crisco? Crisco? CRIS–CO!!!!”
Finally a store clerk approached.
“Sir, the Crisco is on aisle five.”
“Oh,” replied the old guy, “I’m not looking for Crisco, I’m calling my wife.”
“Your wife is named “Crisco?”
“Nah,” he answered, “I only call her that when we come to the supermarket.”
“Oh? What do you call her when you are not in the supermarket?”
“Lard Ass!”
The priest and the sailor playin golf
A priest and a sailor are playing golf together, the sailor steps up to hit his ball, he takes a swing and misses and he says”FUCK I MISSED” the priest says to him “my son,if you swear god will punish you”. The sailor takes another swing misses again and says “fuck, i missed” the priest replies “i told you my son if you curse god will punish you”
They eventually get to the green,the sailor putts the ball and barely misses the hole and again the sailor says “fuck I missed” and suddenly athuncer bolt shoots down and hits the priest and kills him and a powerful and deep voice says “AH FUCK I MISSED”
$100
There is this kid who is being very bad and he asks his father “I’ll be good for $100” and his dad says “Son, when I was your age, I was good for nothing”.
Baptizing the Drunk!
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the
river.
He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The
minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, are you ready to
find Jesus?”
The drunk looks back and says, “Yes, Preacher, I sure am.”
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back
up.
“Have you found Jesus?” the preacher asked.
“Nooo, I didn’t!” said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and
says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”
“Noooo, I have not, Reverend.”
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time,
brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My God, man, have you
found Jesus yet?”
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher…
“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
*~how to make a blonde laugh~*
a man said to another man that i will rub the whole world the another one said:i will not give you an eraser!!!
Balcony news
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon
quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the
balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said. “An ambulance just
drove by.” A few moments passed.
“Looks like the Anderson’s have company,” he called out. “Matt`s riding a new
bike and the Coopers are having sex.”
Mom and dad shot up in bed. “How do you know that?” the startled father asked.
“Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied.