Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.
Author: admin
Knock KnockWho’s there?Fonda!Fonda who?Fonda you!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Fonda!Fonda who?Fonda you!
Blonde in D.C.
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted
to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so
she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how
do I get to the Capitol building?”
The officer replied, “Wait here at
this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It’ll take you right there.”
She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, “Excuse me, but to get to the
Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That
was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?”
The blonde replied, “Don’t worry, officer, it won’t be long now. The 45th bus just went by!”
Possible Titles for Monica’s Autobiography
* “I Suck At My Job”
* “What Really Goes Down In The White House”
* “How I Blew It In Washington”
* “Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President”
* “Clear and Present Boner”
* “Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule”
* “Going Back for Gore”
* “Podium Girl” * “Secret Services to the President”
* “Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton”
* “Deep Inside The Oval Office”
* “The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions”
* “My Chief of Staff”
* “Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes”
* “How To Beat Off the Government”
* “Going Down and Moving Up”
* “Members of the Cabinet”
* “Me and My Big Mouth”
* “How To Get A Head in Business”
Anal Sex
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She said that her husbad had
developed a penchant for anal sex and she was not sure that it was such a
good idea. The doctor asked, “Does it hurt you?” She said her husband was
very gentle and it didn’t hurt. The doctor then said, “Well, then, there’s
no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex if that’s what you like, so
long as you take care not to get pregnant.” The woman was mystified. She
asked, “You can get pregnant from anal sex?” The doctor replied, “Of
course, where do you think lawyers come from?”
The Top 14 Johnnie Cochran Arguments in the Penis-Enlargement Trial (X-rated)
14. If the penis enlarges, you must dismiss charges.
13. If the cock’s still wilty, they must be found guilty.
12. Don’t make a penis promise, unless you can make it humongous.
11. As the evidence will show when displayed in full, these charges are nothing but cock and bull.
10. If the man-meat’s still shrunken, the swell-test they’re flunkin’.
9. If the dick’s still undersized, they must be penalized.
8. And if it turns red like a sausage does, reward punitive damages!
7. His small dick’s a bummer, let’s buy him a Hummer!
6. He has a small penis and can’t get his nub licked. Shouldn’t he be compensated for admitting it in public?
5. If the plaintiff’s shrimp-dicked, you must convict!
4. If his dick won’t inflate, you must compensate.
3. For some dick was all that plaintiff did ask — he didn’t know he would take it up the ass.
2. No boner by 8:00? We litigate.
1. His penis is small and his wallet’s been lightened — this man needs some cash to have his wife’s pussy tightened.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
A Smart Salesman!
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked –
“Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?”
Aghast, the man said, “are you NUTS?, that’s robbery!”
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again –
“Sir, since you are a bit irate, I’ll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?
Again, the man replies bluntly – “you must be crazy pal, now go away!”
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy –
“Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much”.
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:
“HEY,” he snarled, “this brownie tastes like crap!!!”
“It is,” replied the salesman. “Wanna buy some mouthwash?”
Smartest Man
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out.The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.”He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry, Father. The ‘smartest man in the world’ just took off with my back pack.”
Bullfight Buffet
A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he
goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the
day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge
plate, which the tourist eats with relish.
The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once
again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought
two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more
scrumptious.
The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the
fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the
specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small
balls on a big plate. The man asks, “What gives?”
And the waiter says, “Senor, the bullfighter doesn’t always
win!”
Nice Pigs
President Clinton returned from a trip to Arkansas aboard Air Force One.
As he descended the steps, the Marine at the bottom of the steps saluted
and noticed the President was carrying a pig under each arm. “Nice pigs,
sir.” Said the Marine. “I’ll have you know young man,” the President said,
“that these are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks, and I got one for Hillary and
one for Chelsea.” The Marine saluted once more and said, “Excellent trade,
sir.”
The Typical Male Decision Process!
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,and then he makes his decision.
Which women did he choose?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Have you made your guess?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
He marries……..
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
The one with the largest breasts!
Smart snake breeder
There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn’t get them within two feet of each other. Frustrated, he called up the local zoologist, and explained the situation. She hurried over, picked up the snakes and looked at them. “You know what I would do?” she said. “See that tree over there? Chop it down, chop off a good sized log, split the log in two, and make two tables out of them. Put the tables and the snakes into a cage, and let them go at it.”Well, the breeder thought that this was insane, but having no other options, he tried it. Sure enough, a few days later he had a whole slew of baby snakes. He called up the zoologist, and asked her how that was possible. She replied, “Well, you see, those snakes were adders. And everybody knows that to get adders to multiply you need log tables.”