1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.Involvement with the patient’s suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.2. Be cheerful at all times.Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated.Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief.You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it.It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily.Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly.You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford.It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor.The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.10. Never die while in your doctor’s presence or under his direct care.This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
Author: admin
Top 10 signs to join email anonymous
10. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom, and check your E-mail on the way back to bed.9. Your firstborn is named Dotcom.8. You turn off your Computer and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.7. You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop in your lap and your child in the overhead compartment.6. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.5. You find yourself typing “com” after every period.com4. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.3. You move into a new home and decide to Netscape before you landscape.2. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)AND THE NO.1 SIGN THAT YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS:1. Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone.(I just did! )
thanksgiving
Where do black people go for thanksgiving? Nowhere, KFC is closed.
What Starts With…
What starts with F, ends with K, and rhymes with luck?
Answer: Firetruck
Whats in every boys pants, and varys in sizes?
Answer: Legs
Whats on girls chests, and can be big or small?
Answer: There stomach
And now the grand Question, to see if you have a SICK mind.
What am I?
I vary in sizes, and I sometimes throth at the mouth, when the
liquid comes out, the girls laugh and mop it up, I enjoy
sticking my head out the window to be blown, what am i?
A Dog!
What did you think?
Miscellaneous yo mama joke
Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
English Assignment
RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR:
This assignment was actually turned in by two of my English students:
In-class assignment for Wednesday: Tandem Story. Each person will pair off with the person sitting next to them. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on until both people agree a conclusion has been reached. The story must be coherent, and each paragraph relevant to the prior one.
——————————————-
Rebecca and Gary
English 144A
Creative Writing
Prof. Miller
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who had once said in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Team Captain Carl Harris was leading his patrol squadron into orbit over Skylon 4. Carl had more important things to think about than the neuroses of that air-headed asthmatic woman named Laurie who, after one sweaty night over three months ago, was still desperately clinging to an illusion of a relationship she had fabricated in her unbalanced mind. “Alpha Tango One to Geostation One-Niner-Three”, he said into his subspace communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance…” But before he could sign off a bluish plasma beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit threw him out of his seat and into the cockpit control panel.
He hit his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel”, Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth — when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian battleship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted, bleeding-heart peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the U.N. had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empire who was determined to enslave the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet and nothing to stop them. They swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in a submarine off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 15 million other Americans. He slammed his fist on the conference table. “I KNEW this would happen! I am exercising my executive privledge to annul that treaty effective IMMEADIATELY! Ready the nukes, we’re gonna blow those bastards out of the sky!”
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
Asshole.
Bitch.
3 In a Train
There was a man, woman and gay in a train and the train went
into a tunnel. As it is an old fashioned train, there were no
lights so it went pitch black. Then there was a kissing sound
and a slapping sound. When the lights came back on, the man and
woman were sitting like nothing had happened and the gay was
rubbing his cheek like he had been slapped. The gay thought that
the man kissed the woman and the woman slapped him but missed
and hit him. The woman thought the gay tried to kiss the man so
the man slapped the gay and the man thought, “This is great!
Next time we go under a tunnel, I’ll make another kissing sound
and slap the gay!”
Why parents divorce
One day a little boy asked his mom why she got divorced.
She said “I’ll tell you when you get older.
That day when the kid went to school he asked his teacher why his mom and dad
got divorced. She said, “Why don’t you check your mommy’s driver’s license. So
that night the boy looked at his mom’s license and in the morning he told his
mom “I know why you and daddy got divorced, you got an F
in sex.”
Arkansan Citizens Trip
ATTENTION :
All citizens of Arkansas planning a trip to Washington, D.C. to visit Willy Jeff
1. Before leaving for Washington, clean red mud from windshields and remove hog and chicken feed from pick-up bed.
2. Any cardboard box can be made to look like a suitcase if brown shoe polish is smoothly applied. Boxes must have tops, but no ropes. When a few miles out of Arkansas, remove overalls and brogans and putt them into your box. Change to Sunday suit, clean shirt and good shoes (wear socks).
3. Limit occupancy of your car or pickup to a reasonable number of riders. It looks country to overload a vehicle.
4. Those going on their tractors should leave three weeks early. Remember to drive on the right side of the road at all times, except when passing an older tractor or a buddy in a wagon.
5. En route always buy a full tank of gas. A dollar’s worth at a time requires too many gas stops.
6. On arrival in Washington, immediately get settled in a tourist or boarding house. If they don’t feed, try to locate near an all-nite cafe. Leave soda crackers, Viennas, R.C. Colas and Moon Pies In car or pick-up. First class tourist homes do not take kindly to guests who prepare food in their sleeping rooms.
7. Do not take live chickens or hogs – for some reason people in Virginia think that they have good hams. For the sake of national unity, we don’t want to show them up. Besides, their dogs would chase our chickens and our hogs would eat their dogs… just making a hell of a mess.
8. Do not take Sears catalog or corn cobbs with you. Up there the out-houses are always inside and they furnish a rolled paper substitute, but remember to turn the knob on the white bowl as this is a house rule and creates less air pollution problems. Brother Al Gore gets all heated about this pollution and we don’t want to set him off.
9. If invited by a county agent, fertilizer manufacturer’s representative or hog vaccine manufacturer’s salesman to have a drink in his hotel room, do not spit tobacco juice on the carpeted floor. When asked what you drink, don’t say “stump juice”. Tell them all classy people from Arkansas drink B&B (Bourbon and Branch water).
10. And above all else – don’t let any Yankee show you up. Constant screaming of “He’s a good ole boy” will make it difficult for them to engage you in conversation on their intelligence level. You can also keep up the chant started by Cousin Slick, “It’s time for change!” As you know, we plan a change of underwear on the first of every month. First cousins change with second cousins, but always keep it in the family. Willie has passed a decree, even when divorced you can still be cousins in Arkansas.
Tips For Managers
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it’s really a ‘rush job,’ run in and interrupt me every ten minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors is good training.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost mea promotion.
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
10. Never introduce me to the people you’re with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate.
BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP
Baa Baa Black Sheep have you had a fuck, yes sir yes sir had it with a duck, had it with a hosre and a big fat hen, got a scabby dick and never fucked again
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called “How to Hug”?A: When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.