Medicine is like advise, easy to give, hard to take.
Author: admin
Naughty Boys
In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it often turned out that they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit’s end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.The father replied: ‘Sure, do that before I kill them!’ The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, and said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his gnarled and boney forefinger at the boy and asked: ‘Where is God?’The 8 year old boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked: ‘Where is God?’Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy’s nose, and asked: ‘Where is God?’The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said: ‘We are in BIIIIG trouble.’The 10 year old asked: ‘What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?’ His brother replied: ‘God is missing and they think we did it.’
What do blondes say after sex?
Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A1: “Thanks, Guys!”
A2: “Are you boys all in the same band?”
A3: Do you guys all play for the?
A4: Who were all those guys?
Accident
There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.
Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.
They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said, “To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution.”
The engineer said, “No, that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it.”
The programmer said, “I think you’re both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
En un vuelo comercial transatl�ntico
En un vuelo comercial transatl�ntico viajan dos maricones. Un rato despu�s, uno le propone al otro:
“Alonso, hagamos el amor”.
“�Pero c�mo se te ocurre, no ves que est� lleno de pasajeros!”, le responde el otro con voz amanerada.
“Pero si est�n todos durmiendo…”
Y, al decirlo, se levanta de su asiento, mira para todos lados y grita:
“�Alguien tiene fuego?”
Ning�n pasajero responde.
“�Viste?”, le reclama. “Est�n todos dormidos. Nadie respondi�”.
“Bueno”, acepta el otro. “Hag�moslo”.
Y comienzan:
�Ahhhh, ohhhh, uhhhh! Toda la noche.
Al otro d�a, una de las azafatas, al ver a un pasajero que se oprime la cara con una mueca de dolor, se acerca y le pregunta qu� le sucede:
“Lo que sucede es que me duele la muela desde anoche”, responde el viajero.
“�Desde anoche?”, se asombra la aeromoza. “�Y por qu� no me pidi� una pastilla para el dolor?”
�”�Est� loca?”, responde indignado el pasajero. “�Anoche alguien pidi� fuego y se lo afilaron hasta hoy en la madrugada!”
18-legged Fly Catche
A baseball team
Nag Nag Nag!
A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire week’s wages.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” To which he replied, “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
A big-city counterfeiter decided the best…
A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18
bills would be in some small “hick town.”
So, he got into his very expensive new luxury car and off he went. After
driving for a while, he found a tiny town with a single store.
He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind
the counter. “Can you change this for me, please?” he asked.
The store clerk looked at the $18 bill for a short time, then smiled and
said to the man, “Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya want 2 nines or 3 sixes?”
Una maestra pregunta a los
Una maestra pregunta a los chicos sobre los trabajos que realizan sus padres para ganarse la vida: “A ver Pedro: �A qu� se dedica tu madre?”
“�Es doctora, se�orita!”
“�Bravo! Ven, una profesional! �Eso indica que las mujeres han ganado un lugar en la sociedad! �Y tu pap�, Elenita?”
“�El es cartero, se�orita!”
“�Cartero!, que oficio tan sacrificado… es realmente admirable. �Los carteros son muy necesarios!… �y tu pap�, Pepito?”
“�Mi viejo toca el piano en un prost�bulo, se�orita!”
“Aaahhh, ya veo”, dice la maestra avergonzada, y cambia de tema para disimular: “Bueno, vamos a ver cu�nto estudiaron de geograf�a, saquen una hoja…”
M�s tarde, terminada la clase, la maestra va a pedir explicaciones al padre de Jaimito, el que la atiende muy cordialmente:
“Mire, yo no quiero meterme en su vida privada, pero Jaimito anda diciendo que usted toca el piano en un prost�bulo.”
“�Claro! �Y c�mo carajo quiere que le explique a mi hijo de siete a�os que soy abogado?”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Oscar!Oscar who?Oscar a
Knock KnockWho’s there?Oscar!Oscar who?Oscar a silly question, get a silly answer!
Miss Ebonics USA
Question: Why were there only 49 contestants for the “Miss Ebonics U.S.A.” Ebonics Pageant??
Answer: No contestant wanted to wear a banner that said “Idaho”!
Error messages for Win2000
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”
To “shut down” your system, type “WIN.”
BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
User Error: Replace user.
Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
Welcome to Microsoft’s World – Your Mortgage is Past Due…
If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have security?
Required Government Warning: After we got caught in cahoots with the hardware manufacturers for trying to needlessly fill your hard drives, the following message is now required as you save your files in Word. “Word has detected that you don’t wish to save your text file as a lumpy and space wasting .doc format filled with potential viruses. Would you like to save your old outdated ascii file as a Word file anyway?”
Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.