Author: admin

Running the meter

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Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched as they checked her meter.Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a footrace down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came tearing up to the truck, they realized the lady of that end house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped immediately and asked her what was wrong.”When I saw two gasmen running as hard as you were,” gasped the woman, “I figured I’d better run too!”

A setback in Iraqi-American relations

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Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of
talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on
the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam
presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and
punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the
second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the
shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put
off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third
button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates,
he’s finally had enough, knowing that he can’t do much without them functioning
well. “I’m going back home!” he tells the Iraqi. “We’ll finish these talks in
two weeks!”

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two
men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush’s chair and prepares himself
for the Yank’s revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button.
Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he
presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush
roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again,
and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

“Forget this,” says Saddam. “I’m going back to Baghdad!”

Dubya says through tears of laughter, “What Baghdad?”

S.H.I.T

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In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through ourprogram of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to giveour students more S.H.I.T. than any other school. If you feel that you donot receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer.

You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and ourlecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. youcan handle.

Students who don’t know S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONALEVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, theydon’t have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others.We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management andconsultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONALRESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes on how tomanage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. If you have further questions, please direct themto our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL

SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING

The sponge

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One day a little boy walked in on his mother in the shower. The boy pointed to his mother’s pussy and said “What�s that mommy?”.

The mother not wanting to explain the facts of life to the boy said “that�s my sponge” the boy satisfied with the answer went out.

A few days later the boy again walked in on his mother in the shower. The night before the mother had shaved completely.

The boy noticing the difference asked the mother “where is your sponge?”.

The mother said she lost it and the boy satisfied went outside again..

All of a sudden the boy ran back in. “Mommy, mommy I found your sponge!I was looking in Mrs.Jones back window and I saw Mrs Jones washing daddy’s face with it!”

Llegan unos reci�n casados maracuchos

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Llegan unos reci�n casados maracuchos a un hotel y la inocente muchacha se dirige al marido:

“Mi amor, yo no s� de estas cosas, as� que me vais a tener que ense�ar”.

“Mi vida, a partir de este momento a tu cosita le vamos a llamar la prisi�n y a �ste que tengo entre las manos le vamos a llamar el prisionero, as� que vamos a meter al jod�o prisionero a prisi�n”.

Despu�s del primero, el tipo se tira boca arriba en la cama, pero la muchacha queda entusiasmada:

“Mi amor, el prisionero est� fuera de la prisi�n”.

El esposo no muy entusiasmado le contesta:

“Vamos a meterlo a prisi�n otra vez”.

Y siguen con el segundo. Pero la muchacha es bastante golosa e insiste:

“Mi vida, el prisionero est� fuera otra vez”.

Como puede el tipo se levanta, con las piernas tembl�ndole y se va por el tercero. Termina y se tira en la cama, exhausto. La mujer vuelve a la carga:

“Papi, el prisionero se volvi� a salir”.

“�No jodas, pero tampoco es que vamos a darle cadena perpetua!”