Q:Why don’t protestants have sex standing up?
A:because they don’t want anyone to think they’re dancing.
Author: admin
Jerry Falwell
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton . . .
. . . on a recent airplane flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight
attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed before
him. The attendant then asked Mr. Falwell if he too would like a drink.
The Reverend Mr. Falwell replied in disgust, “Madam, I’d rather be savagely
raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch my lips!”
Hearing that, the President handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize there was a choice. I’ll have what he’s having.”
Esto es uno que llegan
Esto es uno que llegan las Navidades y decide escribir una carta a los Reyes que dec�a as�:
“Queridos Reyes Magos:
Me traer�is unas botas con hierro por delante, una cadena, un pu�al, una pistola y por �ltimo una chupa de cuero con los rayos de la SS grabados en plata de ley.
P.D. Baltazar, tr�elo t� si tienes cojones”.
Mine-sniffing dogs
The Army announced this week they are now training mine-sniffing dogs to go to Iraq.
How bad do you have to screw up at obedience school to get that job?
-Jay Leno
She Wants What He Has
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girls house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says “See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can’t have one!” The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football.
The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling “Nah na nah na nah”. The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. “See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can’t have them!”
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his most private of parts, and says “You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can’t go buy you one!”
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl “Well, what do you have to say NOW?” So she pulls up her dress and says…
“My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!”
You can’t tell which way
You can’t tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
Ancient Riddles
1. “The beginning of eternity,
The end of time and space,
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place.”
2. “I never was, am always to be,
None ever saw me, nor ever will,
And yet I am the confidence of all
Who live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.”
3. “At night they come without being fetched, and by
day they are lost without being stolen.”
4. “Fatherless and motherless,
Born without a skin,
Spoke when it came into the world,
And never spoke again.”
5. “What gets wet when drying.”
6. “There was a green house.
Inside the green house there was a white house.
Inside the white house there was a red house.
Inside the red house there were a lot of black babies.”
===========================================================================
ANSWERS:
1. The letter “E”.
2. Tomorrow.
3. Stars.
4. A fart.
5. A towel
6. A watermelon.
The Nookie Monster
Does Monica Lewinsky have to file an IRS return for her presidental “income”?
If we were playing “Clue” it would be “Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office
with the magic flute.”
What’s the difference between President Clinton and O.J. Simpson?
It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.
What do you get when you cross Monica Lewinsky with Ted Kazinksy?
A dynamite blowjob.
What do you call 8 days in a row of office sex?
Hannukah Lewinsky.
In Kennedy’s time we had Camelot. In Clinton’s we have CAME-A-LOT.
The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica’s dress:
“Presidue.”
Did you know that Bill Clinton plans to join Sesame Street after his
presidency is over?
He is going to be called The Nookie Monster!
An optometrist
An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer: “As
you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say ‘$75…’ If
he doesn’t blink, say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be an additional $50…�
If he still doesn’t blink, you add ‘…Each.�”
Slow down and use some lubricant.
Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.
Barking mad
When you pat a dog on its head, it will wag his tail.
What will a goose do?
Make him bark!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo and yisman
Your momma is so stupid
Your momma so stupid she locked her self in a bath room and went pee in her pants