Author: admin

There were three kids that needed a place to stay for the night. They saw a
house and knocked….. A farmer answered the door and the kids asked if they
could stay the night. The farmer said yes and told them to sleep in the barn but
no matter what DON’T eat his wife’s fresh baked pie. So the kids went to sleep.
It was 5:00am when they woke up and they were so hungry that they ate the pie.
On the next day the farmer was going to punish them and he told them to go pick
one fruit each. So thy did. The first kid came back with an orange and the
farmer out it up his nose! The second kid came back with a cherry and the farmer
put it up his nose! Both kids started laughing and laughing. The farmer said why
is you laughing this were supposed to hurt. They said we saw the third kid
picking a watermelon.

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Yo’ mama so stupid, she got locked in a supermarket and starved to death!

God’s sitting up in his ivory tower, he’s had enough of the pressures and stresses of being number one, so he’s decided to go on holiday.

He calls all his super-being mates up and they pop round to discuss a few suggestions over a pint and a joint.

‘What about Mars?’ says one of them.

‘Nah, I went there 15,000 years ago,’ says God. ‘It was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty.’

‘What about Pluto?’ suggests another.

‘Nah I went there about 10,000 years ago,’ says God. ‘F***ing freezing.’

‘What about Mercury then?’ says another.

‘It’s nice but I went there about 5000 years ago. I nearly burnt me bollocks off it was that hot. Never again,’ says God.

‘Well what about earth then?’ suggests another.

‘You must be joking,’ says God, ‘I went there about 2000 years ago, shagged some Israeli bird, and they’re still f***ing talking about it.’