If God makes a mistake, it is fate.
If a barber makes a mistake, it is a new style.
If a driver makes a mistake, it is an accident.
If a doctor makes a mistake, it is an operation.
If an engineer makes a mistake, it is a new venture.
If parents make a mistake, it is a new generation.
If a politician makes a mistake, it is a new law.
If a scientist makes a mistake, it is a new invention.
If a tailor makes a mistake, it is a new fashion.
If a teacher makes a mistake, it is a new theory.
If an student makes a mistake, it is a “MISTAKE”
Author: admin
Furniture Disease
Matt went into Doc Steven’s office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked
if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide
open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must have
shrunk just sitting in his closet, because it didn’t fit when he went to get
ready for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, “Suits don’t shrink just sittin’ there. You probably just put on
a few pounds, Matt.”
“That’s just it, Doc, I know I haven’t gained a single pound since the last
time I wore it.”
“Well, then,” said Doc, “You must have a case of Furniture Disease.”
“What in the world is Furniture Disease?”
“Furniture Disease is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts
sliding down into your drawers.”
People are ignoring me
A patient walks into a doctor’s office.Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.Doctor: Next!
where did I come from?”
Daddy, where did I come from?” the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for
which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room,
got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought
she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions.
Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly. “Does that answer your
question?” her father asked. “Not really,” the little girl said. “Marcia said
she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from.”
Knock Knock 64
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Farley!
Farley who?
Farley the leader!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Farrah!
Farrah who?
Farrah ‘nough!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Fatso!
Fatso who?
Fatso the matter with you!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Felix!
Felix who?
Felix-cited all over!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Felix!
Felix who?
Felix my ice cream, I’ll lick his!
My Choices
It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the Northwest. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me.
“What are my choices?” he asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.
Santa Claus is making his
Santa Claus is making his rounds, and suddenly becomes startled by a
beautiful woman gracefully walking down the stairs in a very sheer
nightgown.
“Santa Claus, will you make love to me?” she asks seductively
Santa replies” Ho,Ho,Ho, Santa’s gota go… Gota deliver toys to all the
good little girls and boys.”
The lady, removing her nightgown is now in a very tight and lacy teddy
and again asks:”Santa Claus, will you make love to me?”
Santa, sweating now, gains his composure and still replies “Ho,Ho,Ho,
Santa’s gota go… Gota deliver toys to all the good little girls and
boys.”
The beautiful woman proceeds to take off the teddy, revealing her
worderfully formed nude body and again asks: “Santa Claus, will you make
love to me?” even more seductively
Santa, can’t take it anymore and replies” Hey, hey, hey, Looks like
Santa’s gotta stay…there ain’t now way I’m getting up the chimney this
way!”
O.J. verdict
A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in L.A. He’s stopped in traffic and thinks, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual; we’re not even moving.” He notices a police officer walking down the highway in between the cars, so he rolls down his window and says, “Excuse me, officer, what’s the hold-up?” “O.J. just found out the verdict, and he’s all depressed. He’s lying down in the middle of the highway and he’s threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire. He just doesn’t have $8.5 million for the Goldmans. I’m walking around taking up a collection for him.” The man says, “Oh really, how much have you collected so far.” The officer replies, “So far, ten gallons.”
Q: How many Macintosh
Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Just one, but the new light bulbs aren’t compatible with the old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new light.
Dos asaltantes van a entrar
Dos asaltantes van a entrar a asaltar un banco y, justo en la entrada del banco, se dan cuenta que olvidaron sus mascaras; as� que uno le dice al otro:
“Juan, �ahora qu� haremos?
“Mira Javier, yo tengo aqu� un par de condones, �qu� tal si los usamos?”
Javier acept� y, sin pensarlo dos veces, ambos se colocaron los preservativos en la cabeza y entraron a asaltar el banco…
Al d�a siguiente, el titular del diario local dec�a:
DOS CARA DE VERGAS ATRACARON EL BANCO
Special Olympics
Q: Whats better than winning the Gold Medal in the Special Olympics?
A: Not being fuckin Retarded
Honey’s
One day a little boy goes to his Mother and asks her, “Mom, do honey’s have legs?”
The Mother replies, “Why are you asking me this?”
“Because every night when I go to bed, I hear Dad say ‘Honey, open your legs’ ”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis