On the first day of kindergarten, the teacher said, “If anyone has to go to
the bathroom, hold up two fingers.”
A little voice from the back of the room asked: “How will that help?”
Author: admin
Texas three kick rule
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule.”
The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?.”
The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “OK, you old coot! Now it’s my turn.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “No I give up, you can have the duck.”
Una pareja de enamorados. El
Una pareja de enamorados. El hombre pregunta:
“�Es verdad que yo soy el primer hombre en tu vida?”
Ella lo mira con atenci�n y luego, asintiendo, responde:
“Tal vez. �Con raz�n yo pens� que te hab�a visto en alguna parte!”
Knock Knock 58
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Elizabeth!
Elizabeth who?
Elizabeth of knowledge is a dangerous thing!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Elke!
Elke who?
Elke Seltzer – Plop Plop Fizz!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Eli!
Eli who?
Eli, Eli O!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ella!
Ella who?
Ella-vator. Doesn’t that give you a lift!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ella Man!
Ella Man who?
Ella Man-tary my dear Wartson!
The laws of golf
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
Bill Gates and GMC
Bill Gates is the owner of Microsoft and GMC is a large car
company. Gates recently told GMC what would happen if Microsoft
produced GMC cars:
1. They would cost about $5.00 each
2. You would be able to change the colors and the arrangement of
parts at any time.
3. It would give you directions and basically travel for you.
4. Free internet access
5. A Christmas card from Bill Gates every year.
GMC in return added what would happen:
1. Every 5 minutes it would freeze in the middle of the road.
2. Before starting the engine, speeding up, slowing down, etc.,
it would ask you if you’re sure you want to do this
3. You would have to get a new car every two years because the
old one becomes outdated and can’t function on the roads anymore.
4. The NT and MS-DOS cars would cost a little bit more, but
would run better and have free DSL.
Your mamma so fat
your mamma so fat when she steped on the scale it said to be continued.
Goose vs duck
What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his ass.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Your mama
yo mama is so fat she uses mexico as her tanning bed.
Un abogado se compra un
Un abogado se compra un BMW nuevito y sale a mostr�rselo a los otros abogados en el tribunal. Llega y estaciona sobre la derecha, abre la puerta para salir y en ese momento pasa un cami�n y le arranca la puerta completita. El abogado se baja y empieza a maldecir como un loco.
Toma su tel�fono celular y llama a la policia, que llega muy pronto:
“�Mi coche recien sacado del concesionario! �Este animal, bestia, me arranca la puerta!
Sigue as� hasta que el policia le dice: “Pero se�or, �c�mo puede ser usted tan materialista?, �no se ha dado cuenta que el cami�n, cuando se llevo la puerta, tambi�n le arranco el brazo desde el codo?”
El abogado se mira el mu��n at�nito y dice:
“�Mierda! �D�nde est� mi Rolex?”
Is the manager in?
A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, “He isn’t here but I can do anything the manger can do for you.”By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers. She says, “You’re sure he isn’t here?”The bartender says, “Yes, I’m very sure.”The lady says, “Well, I just wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the women’s restroom.”
Worried Dad
After his wife gave birth, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician.
“Doctor,” he said, “I don’t mind telling you, but I’m a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can’t possibly be mine.”
“Nonsense,” the doctor said. “Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors my have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”
“It isn’t possible,” the man insisted. “We’re pure Oriental.”
“Well,” said the doctor, “let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?”
The man seemed ashamed. “I’ve been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month.”
“There you have it!” the doctor said confidently. “It’s just rust.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman