Q: How many NHS hospital staff does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Six. Person (1) reports bulb is not working and requests a new one. Department supervisor (2) sends order form to maintenance department. Maintenance department clerk (3) decides whether to make it priority case. Job booked. Supervisor (4) decides whether it should be done individually or with other jobs. Order is placed in maintenance man’s pigeonhole. Maintenance man (5) fills in ticket describing job. He picks up the parts needed. He goes to scene of faulty lightbulb. He fits bulb or discovers he cannot mend light. He returns to department and reports back. He completes work ticket putting this in writing. Work ticket is checked by maintenance department to see whether order carried out. Then checked to see task completed in time set out under department guidelines. Ticket filed. Member of department (6) checks ticket against department work plan. Details go into department’s workload report.
Author: admin
Polish Space Program
Q: What’s delaying the hillbilly space program?
A: Development of a working match.
You might be a Redneck Jedi if:
Your Jedi robe is a Camouflage color.
You have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.
You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.
At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored
There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder
You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok
You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks
You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets
You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
You ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
You have ever used a light-sabre to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.
Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over t’ the dark side… it’ll be a hoot.”
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the bar-b-q grill to light.
Monica Lewinsky’s new book?
What is the name of Monica Lewinsky’s new book?
My Taste For Power.
No Frills Airlines
Nine signs you are on a No Frill Airline1. You can’t board the plane unless you have the exact change.2. Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.3. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.4. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.5. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.6. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, “Just once.”7. No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.8. You see a man with a gun, but he’s demanding to be let off the plane.9. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
Bar
three men walk into a bar you would think the last one would of seen it
Knock KnockWho’s there?Walter!Walter who?Walter-wall carpeting!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Walter!Walter who?Walter-wall carpeting!
15 Fun Things to do in Public Areas
(I actually did all of these)
1. Go up to random people and ask “How are you doing?” See what
kind of conversation you can start.
(I met lots of new people this way)
2. Ask someone what another person’s name is nearby. Go up to
that person and say “Hey, *person’s name*. How are you? You
forgot my name, didn’t you!?”
(People normally look at me very confused with this one.)
3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help.
(If they don’t help, I yell out, “FINE! DON’T HELP ME THEN!”)
4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down.
See if they apologize.
(This is hard to do, because they normally try to avoid me when
I try to bump them.)
5. Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say,
“What?”
(You should look very confused, so it makes them be confused
also.)
6. Run around and jump on things and make noises pretending to
be a monkey.
(It works with any animal.)
7. Put water in your mouth, and pretend you are barfing when
someone walks by.
(It’s really funny when you chew up some Snickers for this.)
8. Get an “Obsession, for men” cologne sample spray, and go up
to people asking, “Do you have an obsession for men? I was
just wondering because I have an obsession for me. It’s in my
pants. Do you want me to spray you with it?” When they look at
you funny, take out the cologne and say “What? It’s just my
obsession for men cologne. What were you thinking of?”
(It doesn’t work on the people that have the cologne.)
9. Walk behind someone and have an arguement with yourself.
(It’s even better if you talk in two different voices.)
10. Have a bottle of water and go up to people saying, “Thirsty?”
(I got a total of 5 people to drink from my bottle.)
11. Have a newspaper or a book(or something like that) and hold
it out to someone and ask, “Thirsty?”
(Confusion is funny.)
12. Put a chunk of something sticky on your hand, and go up to
people saying, “Eh, how’re you doing?” and try to shake their
hand.
(Some people actually don’t notice huge sticky brown things
sticking to your hand.)
13. Jump kick a wall and look at someone and say, “Please don’t
do that.”
(It works with trees too.)
14. Go up to someone and say in a very low voice, “Death by
catapult.”
(There is also, death by spatula, death by rug burn, death by
malapropism, or any other weird random way of death.)
15. Get people to join you in your strange adventures.
(Twice the people = twice the fun.)
Be careful about the people you do these things to. Have fun.
What does Monica Lewinsky have
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
“Sat on the Presidential Staff”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Rene!Rene who?Rene the
Knock KnockWho’s there?Rene!Rene who?Rene the marathon!
Two Dwarfs and Hooke
Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two hookers and take them back to their separate hotel rooms. When they get there, the first dwarf strips down but no matter how hard he tries, he is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “ONE, TWO, THREE…UUHhhh!!” all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first,”How did it go?” The first whispered back, “It was so embarrassing. I just couldn’t get an erection.”The second dwarf shook his head.”You think that’s embarrassing? *I* couldn’t even get on the bed!”
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.77. Whenever you’re on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for two minutes than call whoever it was back.