Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,”Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds in weight.””Why don’t you just leave him then ?” asked her friend.”Oh ! Not yet.” the first replied, “I like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first.”
Author: admin
Tres amigas est�n hablando de
Tres amigas est�n hablando de sus respectivos maridos:
La primera dice: “Pues chicas, resulta que el otro d�a acababa de hacer el amor con mi Paco y me dio por tocarle sus huevos… �Si vieran lo fr�os que estaban!”
La segunda: “�Claro! Como los pobrecitos se quedan fuera… A los de mi Mariano les pasa lo mismo.”
La tercera: “�Oich! �Qu� me dicen? No ten�a ni idea, pero ni idea… Bueno, esta noche lo compruebo y ya les contar�.”
Al d�a siguiente se re�nen de nuevo y una viene hecha un cristo con un ojo morado:
“Pero, chica, �qu� te ha pasado?”
“Pues resulta que ayer por la noche, despu�s de hacer el amor con mi Bartolo, fui a comprobar lo de los huevos fr�os y se me ocurri� decir: �Mira! �Como los de Paco y Mariano! �Y si vieran la que se arm�!”
Did you hear why the Republicans
Did you hear why the Republicans moved out of the out-house?
The democrats downstairs were making too much noise.
Disk drive
How do u no when a blonde has been sending mail ?
A: when you see a bunch of envolopes in the disk drive
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
The speed for sex
what is the speed for sex?
68 because if you go 69 you have to turn around.
Lipstick on her steering wheel?
Why did the blonde have lipstick on her stearing wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn!
The Deaf Mute Golfer
A man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his
shoulder and a man handed him a card that read, “I am a deaf mute. May I play
through, please?”
The first man angrily gave the card back, and communicated that “No, he may
NOT play through, and that his handicap did not give him such a right.”
The first man whacked the ball onto the green and left to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with
a golf ball, laying him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute
sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other holding up 4 fingers.
Wave that Towel…
An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are
very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does
sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife
is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes
the following suggestion.. “Hire a strapping young man. While
the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel
over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on
an orgasm.” They go home and follow the rabbi’s advice. They
hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they
make love. It doesn’t help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. “Okay”, says the rabbi to
the husband, “let’s try it reversed. Have the young man make
loveto your wife and you wave the towel over them.” Once again,
they follow the rabbi’s advice. The young man gets into bed with
the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to
work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous,
room-shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the
young man and says to him triumphantly…”You see, you schmuck,
THAT’S the way you wave a towel!”
Surgeon Conference
At a conference for Plastic Surgeons, three of the leading doctors were discussing there lastest accomplishments. The first doc says “A guy fell off a roof and lost an arm. I put it back, and after three months of rehab, he is now the world’s greatest baseball player.” The second doctor says ” A guy had his leg cut off after a motorcycle accident. I sewed it back, and after 1 year of rehab, he is now the world’s greatest track athlete.”The third doctor says” A man came to me with an asshole, I sewed a mustache on it, and he went to 7 Nascar Championships. He is known as Dale Earnhardt.”
A male adolescent
The most non-emergent ER visit: A male adolescent came in at 2 a.m. with a
complaint of belly button lint.
A man with a winking problem
A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales
representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
“This is phenomenal. You’ve graduated from the best schools; your
recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally,
we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a
highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare
off potential customers. I’m sorry…we can’t hire you.”
“But wait,” he said. “If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!”
“Really? Great! Show me!”
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all
sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms;
finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows
the pills, and stops winking.
“Well,” said the interviewer, “that’s all well and good, but this is a
respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the
country!”
“Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!”
“Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?”
“Oh, that,” he sighed. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and
asked for aspirin?”