Author: admin

Cosas que uno no quiere escuchar durante una cirug�a:

1. �Mierda! �qu� es eso?
2. �Oh, maestro de la maldad, acepta este sacrificio en tu nombre para honrarte!
3. �A que te refieres que no estaba aqu� para un cambio de sexo?
4. �Donde est� el cerebro del paciente?
5. Pasame esa… esa… esa cosa brillante.
6. �OOOPPPPSSS! �alguien a sobrevivido 5000 ML de esta cosa?
7. �Olvidaste para qu� estaba aqu� el paciente? Bueno, vamos a sorprenderlo.
8. �Se supone que eso debe estar movi�ndose? Porque parece que est� haciendo que el paciente se ponga verde.
9. �En donde deje mi escarpelo?
10. �Que pasa si saco esto de aqu�?
11. �Que es ese ruido? �Deber�a sonar as� o no?
12. Eso fue sorprendente, �puedes hacer que mueva la otra pierna?
13. Y ahora ponemos el cerebro del mono al paciente.

Who Has The Best Memory?

Three guys are debating who has the best memory.

First guy says, “I can remember the first day of my First Grade class.”

Second guy says, “I can remember my first day at Nursery School!”

Not to be outdone, the third guy says, “Hell, that’s nothing…
I can remember going to the senior prom with my father, and coming home with my mother!”

If American women use FDS, and French women use feminique, what
do [ethnic] women use?

Janitor in a drum.

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…”
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a “robot” voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog “Dog”.
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up”.
16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training”.
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”.
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person”.
26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Give a play-by-play account of a person’s every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

�C�mo se caza un elefante gris?

Con una pistola de cazar elefantes grises.

�Y c�mo se caza un elefante morado?

Supongo que dir�n que con una escopeta de cazar elefantes morados. Pues no, coges la escopeta de cazar elefantes grises. Se la metes por la trompa al elefante gris hasta que se ponga morado, y entonces coges la escopeta de cazar elefantes morados y lo matas.