How many wimbledon fans does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?
Both of them!
Author: admin
Confiscated PC.
For anyone else who keeps records of the trash posted on these boards.
This is your day
I am posting this from a PC that was confiscated from a user who thought nothing could happen
I bought it for GP (it’s a pile)
And thanks to my records
More will be available soon
Bobby hasn’t posted for a while
They must have been to his door too.
Kinky Sex
There’s this young couple, Louise and Al, they’ve been married for about a year, and the bride isn’t getting any sex. Just about every night hubby comes home, has a shower, gets changed and goes down to the pub. She’s getting increasingly rampant as the days go on,
but each night she is disappointed.
Al comes home every night completely hammered and unfit for sexual activity. One particular night when Al gets in from work, Louise is seated provocatively on the sofa, wearing the skimpiest dress she has, suspenders, stockings, and very sexy lace panties and bra.
As is always the case, Al comes home runs upstairs, gets ready and goes to the pub. Once again Louise is rejected, so she sits back with a bottle of wine to console herself. Then at 11 pm (well before normal) she hears Al coming up the driveway and opening the front door. Louise re-adopts her sexually provocative pose on the sofa and to her surprise, Al’s first words are, “Right woman, get upstairs – into the bedroom.”
“YES!” she says under her breath as she runs upstairs, “This is the night, I’m gonna get some!”
When Louise reaches the bedroom, she removes her outer garments and sits on the edge of the bed in her black lace panties – ready for Al, as he stomps up the stairs. As Al pushes the bedroom door open he says, “Right, now get your clothes off!”
Louise doesn’t need telling twice, it’s off with everything. “Now get over in front of the mirror..,”
“Kinky!” she thinks. “Great!”
“and do a handstand…”
“Oh god, I’ve been waiting for this for ages,” thinks Louise…
Al walks over to Louise, parts her legs and places his chin in her crotch… “Perhaps the guys at the bar were right, a beard would suit me!”
Aging Woman (kinda dumb)
Whats the difference between an eighty year old’s boobs and a twenty year old’s boobs?A belly button.
Wife sleeping around
A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.
The man, terrified, screamed, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to…to…cut it off, are you???!?”
The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire.”
Rejection Lines
Top 10 rejection lines given by men (and what they really mean)10. I think of you as a sister. (You’re ugly.)9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You’re ugly.)8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You’re ugly.)7. My life is too complicated right now. (You’re ugly.)6. I’ve got a girlfriend. (You’re ugly.)5. I don’t date women where I work. (You’re ugly.)4. It’s not you, it’s me. (You’re ugly.)3. I’m concentrating on my career. (You’re ugly.)2. I’m celibate. (You’re ugly.)and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)1. Let’s be friends. (You’re the ugliest person that has ever existed on this planet.)
Can you describe it?
Attorney: You don’t know what it was, and you don’t know what it looked
like,but can you describe it?
Witness: No.
Ways to be annoying in computer labs
46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn’t work.47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim “You’re such a marvel!!”, and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.48. Run into the computer lab, shout “Armageddon is here!!!!!”, then calmly sit down and begin to type.49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, “Give me that computer or you’ll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week”.50. Two words: Tesla Coil.
Port or Sherry?
A playboy, out for pleasure one evening, picked-up a well-dressed young lady at a bar and took her to his apartment. She appeared well-to-do, chic, and very intelligent.Thinking to make an impression, Mr. Playboy showed her some etchings, first editions, etc. He then offered her some wine, asking whether she preferred sherry or port.”Oh, sherry by all means!” she replied.”Sherry is like the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in this crystal-like decanter fills me with the anticipation of a heavenly thrill. When the stopper is removed and the beautiful liquid is poured into the glass and I inhale the delicious tangy aroma, I’m lifted on the wings of ecstasy. As I taste the magic potion, my whole being thrills and glows, it seems like a thousand violins throb in my ears, and I’m carried into another world.””Port, on the other hand, makes me fart.”
Gay fag
Say this to your frend.
there were two guys in a car at a red light. One of them says that light is going to turn green in 3 seconds.(123) Then the light turns green. Then the other guy says how did you know that. He said gay fags know everything.
Then at another red light he says a bum will pop out of that trash can. They wait a few seconds and a bum pops out. Then the other guy says how did you know that. He said gay fags know everything.
Then they go to this party they ring the _________ and if they say doorbell say gay fags know everything.
Catholic Math
This Jewish father wants to send his kid to school, but is not sure where to send him to. Finally he just looks at the brochure from Catholic school and thinks that since it’s priced reasonable and sounds like a nice place all together, he’ll try him over there.
His kid goes to school the first semester and comes home with a report card.
His father takes a look, turns to his son and says: -“A plus in math??? How in the hell did you pull that off since that’s your worse subject?”
” Well father, the first day I walked into my math class and saw a guy hanging on a wall nailed to the plus sign – I knew they weren’t mucking around!”
Eran tres homosexuales que llegaron
Eran tres homosexuales que llegaron a un hotel en el cual solo quedaba una habitaci�n, con una sola rec�mara que tendr�an que compartir.
Cuando se encontraban dormidos despert� uno de ellos, el que se encontraba en medio de los otros dos, ten�a ganas de escupir, no sab�a que hacer as� que decidi� escupir hacia arriba. El gargajo cay� en sus compa�eros y estos, enojados, despertaron y le advirtieron que cuando fuera hacer una de sus cochinadas dijera “cochinada” para que se taparan .
OK, as� qued�.
M�s tarde el de en medio dijo “cochinada” y r�pidamente los otros dos se taparon, y puuuuummmmm se echo un pedote.